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A QUICK NOTE TO PARENTS OF A PREGNANT TEENAGER
I have been there. I went through this with my own daughter. I was angry for a short time, but things happen. We were all that age once. Remember how you were and how you felt when you were that age. Being a teenager is hard. Mistakes happen. It is a learning process. But, as parents, we try to keep our children from making too many life altering mistakes if we can.
Sit down and talk with your daughter before she get pregnant and at an early age and make sure she understands how pregnancy happens. Do it before or at the time when she starts menstruating. Try to keep your communications open with her (I know it is hard when they hit puberty and become more secretive about their lives).
If she is sexually active or even considering becoming sexually active, make sure she knows about contraception and uses it. Talk to her about sexually transmitted diseases and how they are caught and treated. Many girls become sexually active at age 13 or so. It is never too early to have that "sex talk" with her (no matter how much she rolls her eyes!), especially if she has started dating or "hanging out" with boys.
If she has already become pregnant, sit down with her (calmly and lovingly) and make sure she understands what has happened to her. Many teenagers have misconceptions about what makes you get pregnant and what methods are used to prevent pregnancy (such as douching with Coke... does NOT work, but she may not know that!).
Parents of sons need to also talk with them about sex and contraception. After all, it does take two to make a baby. They need to know about how babies are made and how to use condoms and other protection to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. They need to understand responsibility and the need to control hormonal surges. It only takes one slip-up and they will be paying child support for the next 18 years or more.
Parents, if your daughter is pregnant, give her all the support she is going to need and all the good advice you can, no matter what decision she makes about the baby. If she decides to keep the baby, grandparenting can be a wonderful blessing. Make sure your daughter takes the responsibility for her child and allow her to mother him or her. Do not allow her to just "dump" the child in your lap. She needs be responsible for your actions and she needs to be the child's mom to help her grow and mature. She will make mistakes as a new parent, but didn't we all when we became a new parent. Babies are not born with written instructions and most of our parenting is trial and error. Support her. Love her. Please do not abandon her in her time of need. Once the pregnancy has ended, make sure she has a reliable form of birth control set up for her so it does not happen again until she wants to have another baby. Encourage her to continue with her education and goals.
ADVICE TO A PREGNANT TEENAGER
If you become a pregnant teenager, your whole life will change and your character will grow by being responsible for another human being. Having a baby is life changing for adult women who have family support and a husband or partner. Your life will change drastically. Talk with your parents as soon as you can. It may be difficult to do this, but you will need help. Hopefully, you have a mom and dad that will help you. They may not be very happy about the pregnancy and may even be quite upset, but most often this will pass with time and your growing tummy. The anger will not last forever. Your parents will eventually accept your pregnancy. Your parents love you and will grow to love your baby too.
Do not worry about messing things up. You will have plenty of people giving you advice. Probably too much. Besides, some of the most successful psychologists, sociologists and well maintained people have messed up kids. Your chances, if you keep your priorities in the right place, set your goals as far as education and career, and employ the support and love of your family, religious counselors or church, community and friends, will be less.
DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS
You will have many decisions to make over the next several months. You will have to make decisions about whether you will keep the baby, have an abortion (you have to be early in your pregnancy for this option), or give it up for adoption. These will not be easy decisions and whatever decisions you make, you will have to live with the rest of your life. Do not make these decisions lightly. Try to talk with your parents or another adult you trust if you need help in making a decision. You may get conflicting advice from various sources, but the final decision is yours to make. Follow your instincts. Usually your first instinct is the best one.
KEEPING THE BABY
Being a single parent is a difficult task, even for adults, but even more so for a teen mother. However, it is a rewarding one, if you decide to keep the baby. Children take a lot of work, full commitment and dedication if you are to be a good parent. If you are in a relationship with a boy, you will have to discuss it with him and find out about child support or continued relationship plans. Having a good support system around you is vital, whether it be your boyfriend and a committed relationship with him and/or family members and/or friends, in becoming a good mother and raising a child to be a good and loving person and providing a safe home environment for them to thrive in while they grow.
Decisions about staying in school during your pregnancy will need to be made. If you must drop out, continue with adult education night classes and obtain your GED. Education is very important if you are going to be a single parent because you will need to have a good job to help support you and your baby. College plans are important. Today, if you do not have some college or a degree, you are going to be stuck in a no-where job working for minimum wage. If you do not want college, find a trade school and learn a trade, such as becoming a hair stylist, a chef, or a medical assistant.
Financial decisions for the pregnancy care and the birth will need to be made. Depending on your age and health circumstances, you may not be able to birth your baby outside of a hospital since you may be considered high risk. Hospitals and health care providers are very expensive and if you do not have medical insurance, it will be a heavy financial burden on you.
THE ABORTION CHOICE
Abortion can only be performed early in the pregnancy. You only have a limited amount of time to make this decision. It can be a relief or a traumatic experience for a teen girl (or any woman), depending on where her head is at and her personal feelings about ending the pregnancy. You may or may not regret having an abortion later. There may be social and religious factors involved with your decision.
Abortion is not meant to be used as a form of birth control with repeated abortion after abortion. There are medical risks involved with this medical procedure, not to mention emotional concerns and sometimes regrets with terminating a pregnancy. Do lots of research about it before you proceed and make the decision.
Most of all, you do have the right to choose what method is right for you. Do not be pushed into a decision by other people that you do not want to do, whether it be to keep the baby, abort the baby, or to put the baby up for adoption. If you are too late in your pregnancy for an abortion, then you will have to go through the birth process and make the choice of keeping the baby or adoption.
ADOPTION CHOICE
Giving up your baby for adoption may be one of the most difficult things you do. Later in life, you and/or your child may want to contact each other and may or may not be able to do this. Worry about whether or not a baby will find a good home is always concern for moms. Children, not finding an adoptive parent(s) and growing up in group homes (orphanages) or foster care, often have many emotional problems with feeling abandoned and tossed away by their mothers. Not every baby finds a loving home and is adopted, as much as we would like it to be. But social workers and adoptive agencies try their best to find a good home for their babies and children. I am a firm believer that all babies should be wanted and loved to be able to grow into mentally stable and emotionally secure adults.
BECOME INFORMED
However, what ever method you decide to choose, become informed about it and any risks to you and to your baby. Discuss plans with your parents intelligently. Weight all the pros and cons of each possible decision before you make your final decision.
If you have any specific questions regarding pregnancy, childbirth, newborn care, contact your local midwife or health care provider about options and discuss your concerns with that person that will be providing your prenatal care. If it helps, have your parents with you during your meetings with your midwife so that they can also have their questions answered.
CONTRACEPTION
After the pregnancy ends, it is vital you get contraception counseling and use it so it does not happen again. Consult with your health care provider, midwife, or local clinic about options available for you and your health concerns. Once you get it, use it!
MoonDragon's ObGyn Information: Abortion Index
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