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The last three months of pregnancy have begun. Within 90 days your baby will join you and your partner on the "outside." Your partner's body is making the final adjustments in getting ready for labor and your baby is beginning to mature in preparation for birth. You may have finally adjusted to "being pregnant" when a new flood of feelings arise within you as you get ready to welcome your baby to the world.
You've probably begun to wonder what you will be like as a father. What are the expectations of this new role as a parent? Reflecting on your father as a model may not fit how you see yourself as a dad. Fatherhood from generation to generation has changed significantly. The social and societal expectations for fathers, even twenty years ago, are quite different than today. Fathering and parenthood are not fixed roles. Dads roles are influenced by the society in the time when they live and the needs of each individual family.
Thinking about your own father and his parenting is a good place to start. What did you most enjoy about your father? What will you do different? Do you see any of your friends or family members who you feel are fathering the way you would like to? This last trimester is a good time to re-examine your relationship with work and think about how you may want to make adjustments both for and after the birth. Remember to allow yourself flexibility in your planning. No one can anticipate exactly what it will be like when their baby arrives, and the best made plans often need to adjust to circumstances and feelings you cannot be aware of before the baby has arrived.
Being involved in a prenatal class is a way to prepare yourself for the birth. More important, when you take a prenatal class with your partner you can begin prepare as a couple to share the birth experience. What will be your role doing birth? What are your partners expectations? Can you allow yourself to think about what you may need? Classes will give you the understanding of the stages of birth process and what to expect during labor and delivery.
The physical changes your partner has been going through will intensify during the last trimester. These physical changes will also have an effect on her psychological state. As men, there is nothing parallel for us as to the body hormonal changes a woman undergoes during pregnancy. The enthusiasm she may have experienced in the second trimester as the pregnancy was beginning "to show" does not guarantee she will feel the same way in the last month, when she has the full weight of the baby inside her. Expectant mothers can feel out of control of their bodies and this can be a very frightening experience.
You may feel some distress at your partners needs for increased help during the final month. No matter how much a couple can do in preparing for the birth of their baby, or getting their home ready for its arrival; there are always a few things that feel incomplete. Be patient with each other. Remember to keep the channels of communication open, neither of you can know exactly what birth and parenthood will be like. If you feel overwhelmed between work and getting ready for the baby, it would be wise to talk about this with your partner. Discuss your concerns and issues with the midwife when she comes to visit your partner at a prenatal. This is a good time to reach out for support. Other dads have gone through what you are experiencing. Friends, family, the dads in your prenatal class, other dads whom you may work with can all be sources of support for you.
Here are here are a few practical tips that pregnant dads have shared with me about the third trimester of pregnancy.
For your wife/partner:
- Get "the nest" ready together if possible. Work together getting things for your baby, such as baby furniture, getting the house ready, preparing extra meals.
- Find out how you can view at least two birth films together. Ask your midwife if she has any birth tapes you can borrow or if she knows where you can obtain them. Another option would be to watch some of the Birth TV shows on networks. Check your local TV listings.
- Let her know that you want to know what you can do to "be there" for her at the birth. Decide what level of participation you would like in the birth. If you are planning a birth at home, discuss your options and desires with your midwife. Most midwives are happy to allow you to "catch" or assisting her in "catching" or if simply want to be labor support and cut the cord afterwards.
- Help your partner to plan out healthy meals during the last part of her pregnancy and after the birth when she is breastfeeding the baby.
- Spend some special quality time with your partner before the baby arrives. Take her out for a romantic dinner and let her know how much you love her and appreciate her for everything she does and is going through during this special time. Keep those romantic fires burning brightly.
- If you are planning a homebirth, help her to gather supplies and prepare the home for the birth. If you are planning on a birth center or hospital delivery, go on a tour of where your baby will born.
For yourself:
- Begin to plan for the birth. Check and see how flexible your work will be both about time off for birth and after.
- Ask two new fathers about the their experience of their baby's births.
- Reach out to the men in your childbirth preparation class; see if you can have a dads-to-be night out.
- Find an exercise program that you feel you could continue after the baby is born. Make it one that your partner can join in with you after the baby arrives. She will want to lose some of her "baby weight" she gained during her pregnancy to regain her former body shape. It is something you both can do together.
- Go to a bookstore and look through the books on parenting, choose one for yourself. Talk with your midwife about recommended books or visual aids that may help you to learn about the process of birth and support the plans you and your partner have made about where and who you plan on assisting with the birth.
- Take time alone to reflect on your feelings about becoming a father. Share these feelings with your partner when alone and with your midwife.
Fatherhood is a wonderful, rewarding blessing. Enjoy it, embrace and treasure the experience.
MEN & FATHERHOOD
My Favorite Internet Fatherhood Pictures:
It takes more than a Man to be a Father! It takes love, commitment, sharing, duty to family, support (both financial and emotional), caring, discipline, and so much more! Love and take care of your children... they are the future and may someday have to take care of you.
MoonDragon's Pregnancy Information: Circumcision Decision
Fatherhood by Bill Cosby
FATHERHOOD RESOURCES:
American Coalition for Fathers and Children
(800) 978-3237
www.acfc.org
At-Home Dad
(508) 685-7931
AtHomeDad@aol.com
Bay Area Male Involvement Project
www.bamin.org
Center on Fathers, Families and Public Policy
(312) 341-0900
Children's Rights Council
(202) 547-6227
www.crckids.org
Families and Work Institute
www.familiesandwork.org
Fatherhood: Meeting The Challenge
fatherhood.hhs.gov/guidance01/ch5.htm
The Fatherhood Project/Families and Work Institute
(212) 465-2044
www.fatherhoodproject.org
Fatherhood USA Video Materials
www.familiesand work.org
HandsNet
www.handsnet.org
Institute for Responsible Fatherhood and Family Revitalization
(202) 293-4420
www.responsiblefatherhood.org
Men's Health Network
www.menshealthnetwork.org
National Center for Fathering
(913) 384-4661
www.fathers.com
National Center for Strategic Non-Profit Development and Community Leadership
(202) 822-6725
www.npcl.org
National Center on Fathers and Families
(215) 686-3910
www.ncoff.gse.upenn.edu
National Fatherhood Initiative
(717) 581-8860
www.fatherhood.org
National Fathers' Network
(206) 747-4004
www.fathersnetwork.org
National Partnership for Women and Families
www.nationalpartnership.org
National Practitioners Network for Fathers and Families
(800) 343-7633
www.npcl.org
FATHERHOOD READING, HUMOR, & EDUCATION
NUTRITION DURING PREGNANCY
ARTICLES TO READ
SIGNS & SYMPTOMS
Calculating Your Due Date
Hand Held Calculator
Online Calculator
Pregnancy Calculator
Common Pregnancy Symptoms
Hyperemesis Gravidarum - Conventional Treatment
Hyperemesis Gravidarum
Mood Tips
Bowel Tips
Gestational Diabetes
Dizziness In Pregnancy
Breast Enlargement During Pregnancy
Heartburn
Heartburn Tips
Pregnancy & Urinary Tract Infections
Pregnancy & Asthma
Pregnancy & Seizures
Pregnancy & Headaches
Avoid Pre-Term Labor
Strep B (GBS) Information & Consent
Pregnancy Backache
Prep For Easy Labor
Easy Natural Birth
Pregnancy High Risk Facts
True or False Labor
Twins, What are the chances
When Breech Presentation
HEALTH & FITNESS
Prenatal Vitamins
Nutrition During Pregnancy
Folic Acid During Pregnancy
Fatigue In Pregnancy
Getting Ready For Another Baby
Things To Avoid During Pregnancy
Pregnancy Don'ts
Dentistry During Pregnancy
Prenatal Exercise
Kegel Exercises
Smoking During Pregnancy
Drugs During Pregnancy
Medications During Pregnancy
Birth Defects
Weight Gain During Pregnancy
Pregnancy Concerns
Pregnancy & Chronic Health Problems
Skin Care Tips During Pregnancy
Coping With Bedrest
Circumcision Decision
Pain Relief in Labor
Cord Blood Preservation
INSPIRATION & FUN
Baby Name Tips
Baby Proofing Your Environment
Birth Kits, Preparing For A Homebirth
Birth Links & Supply Resources
Writing A Birth Plan
Bringing Baby Home
Traveling During Pregnancy & With Kids
What Is A Midwife?
Living With A Pregnant Person
When Baby Makes Three
Male Bonding by Kellie Head
Things I Wish I knew Before Parenthood
Birthing Within
Pregnancy & Headaches
Labor Laughter
Childbirth Classes - Are They Necessary
Childbirth Classes - Types Of
Doula Care
Massage & Effleurage During Labor
HypnoBirthing
Relaxation Practice
Labor Bag Preparation
Positive Birth Environment
Postpartum Truth
Pregnancy Myths
Pregnancy Nesting
MoonDragon's Pregnancy Calendar Index
Photos obtained from A Child Is Born by Lennart Nilsson
and Pregnancy - in anatomical illustrations by the Carnation Company
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MoonDragon's Conception Information
Using The Conception Kit™ Instructions
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