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Congratulations to both of you about your pregnancy. Your baby is beginning its life inside the womb. All the care and nurturing your baby needs is happening in your partner's tummy! The transition to parenthood and becoming a father is slowly starting to take hold of you. You are going to be a dad. This will be a new, exciting, and gratifying experience in your life.
Most men have a positive reactions to finding out about the pregnancy, but they may also have doubts and confusion. Sometimes, much more so than their partners. An unplanned pregnancy can begin with feelings of ambivalence. For expectant fathers pregnancy seems to stimulate feelings of both fear and hope. Understanding your feelings during this time can help you begin to see how your role from "man to dad" is developing.
Common anxieties in the first trimester are fears about your partner's health, worries about money, and concerns about what type of father you will be. This is normal and to be expected. I have found more fathers anxious and fearing the experience of birth than their partners. As you partner decides who she wants as a maternity care giver (midwife or health care provider) and where she will want to give birth (at home, a birthing center, or hospital), please support her with her decision. Discussion about options are always encouraged, but keep an open mind if she chooses alternatives to a hospital birth, such as birthing in the comfort, safety, and security of her home without medications and interventions and using a homebirth midwife. She is choosing what feels most comfortable and appropriate for her and your baby. Homebirth midwives are open and willing to include you in the prenatal visits and will answer your questions and help resolve worries and concerns through discussion and support. Keep in mind, birth is a normal function of the female body and the baby and your partner are meant to work together to maintain the pregnancy and go through the birthing process together. A healthy pregnancy and birth is not meant to managed or controlled. It will be important to her for you to be supportive, loving, caring, and involved in your pregnancy.
In the first few months, as your partner's body adjusts to the pregnancy she may experience morning sickness, sleeplessness, mood swings, fatigue and changes in eating habits. Although these symptoms are normal, you may not be accustomed to seeing your partner this uncomfortable. You may wonder what can you do to help?
Many expectant dads start to look ahead and feel worried about how having a baby will affect their finances. If both you and your partner have been working, you may begin to think about how you will be effected by the change in income if your partner will be off work for a while. Concerns about the need for a larger house, a new car or how to anticipate what new expenses you will have once the baby has arrived are common anxieties in the early stages of pregnancy.
Finally, many expectant fathers are concerned about what type of father they will be. You may begin to think about what it was like for your father when you were born. How prepared was your dad when he became a father? What opportunities do you feel you have as an expectant dad that your father didn't?
All these new "anxieties" are the normal feelings that are "stirred-up" by finding out that you will be a father in less than a year.
In our society we make very few accommodations for expectant dads. We are not sure what they need and what their role should be during pregnancy. It has been my experience that the sooner expectant dads can be involved, the more included they will feel in their new "family." Being with your partner during the midwife's prenatal visits, talking with other fathers, beginning to look at a few of the new books on parenting are all ways to begin your transition to parenthood.
Here are a few practical tips that pregnant dads have shared with me during the 1st trimester of pregnancy.
For your wife/partner:
- Talk with her about the hopes and dreams, fears and anxieties, of having a child together.
- Make time to regularly spend time alone such as going on walks together.
- Talk about how your lives can slow down, how you can both do less in the coming months and enjoy the pregnancy.
- Discuss with her about the birth plans she wants and your participation during the birth of your baby. If you want to do only labor support, cut the baby's cord, or if you want to help your midwife "catch" the baby, share this with her and discuss it with your midwife. Help her design her birth plan to include what you want from the birth experience.
For yourself:
- Choose the friends and family you want to share the news about "being pregnant" with. Avoid discussing your birth plans with non-supporting individuals.
- Go to a bookstore and look through the books on parenting, choose one for yourself. Talk with your midwife about recommended books or visual aids that may help you to learn about the process of birth and support the plans you and your partner have made about where and who you plan on assisting with the birth.
- Take time alone to reflect on your feelings about becoming a father. Share these feelings with your partner when alone and with your midwife.
Fatherhood is a wonderful, rewarding blessing. Enjoy it, embrace and treasure the experience.
MEN & FATHERHOOD
My Favorite Internet Fatherhood Pictures:
It takes more than a Man to be a Father! It takes love, commitment, sharing, duty to family, support (both financial and emotional), caring, discipline, and so much more! Love and take care of your children... they are the future and may someday have to take care of you.
MoonDragon's Pregnancy Information: Circumcision Decision
Fatherhood by Bill Cosby
FATHERHOOD RESOURCES:
American Coalition for Fathers and Children
(800) 978-3237
www.acfc.org
At-Home Dad
(508) 685-7931
AtHomeDad@aol.com
Bay Area Male Involvement Project
www.bamin.org
Center on Fathers, Families and Public Policy
(312) 341-0900
Children's Rights Council
(202) 547-6227
www.crckids.org
Families and Work Institute
www.familiesandwork.org
Fatherhood: Meeting The Challenge
fatherhood.hhs.gov/guidance01/ch5.htm
The Fatherhood Project/Families and Work Institute
(212) 465-2044
www.fatherhoodproject.org
Fatherhood USA Video Materials
www.familiesand work.org
HandsNet
www.handsnet.org
Institute for Responsible Fatherhood and Family Revitalization
(202) 293-4420
www.responsiblefatherhood.org
Men's Health Network
www.menshealthnetwork.org
National Center for Fathering
(913) 384-4661
www.fathers.com
National Center for Strategic Non-Profit Development and Community Leadership
(202) 822-6725
www.npcl.org
National Center on Fathers and Families
(215) 686-3910
www.ncoff.gse.upenn.edu
National Fatherhood Initiative
(717) 581-8860
www.fatherhood.org
National Fathers' Network
(206) 747-4004
www.fathersnetwork.org
National Partnership for Women and Families
www.nationalpartnership.org
National Practitioners Network for Fathers and Families
(800) 343-7633
www.npcl.org
FATHERHOOD READING, HUMOR, & EDUCATION
NUTRITION DURING PREGNANCY
ARTICLES TO READ
SIGNS & SYMPTOMS
Calculating Your Due Date
Hand Held Calculator
Online Calculator
Pregnancy Calculator
Common Pregnancy Symptoms
Morning Sickness
Morning Sickness, Homeopathic Tips
Hyperemesis Gravidarum - Conventional Treatment
Hyperemesis Gravidarum
Mood Tips
Bowel Tips
Gestational Diabetes
Dizziness In Pregnancy
Breast Enlargement During Pregnancy
Heartburn
Heartburn Tips
Pregnancy & Urinary Tract Infections
Pregnancy & Asthma
Pregnancy & Seizures
Pregnancy & Headaches
HEALTH & FITNESS
Prenatal Vitamins
Nutrition During Pregnancy
Folic Acid During Pregnancy
Fatigue In Pregnancy
Getting Ready For Another Baby
Things To Avoid During Pregnancy
Pregnancy Don'ts
Miscarriage
Habitual Miscarriage
Dentistry During Pregnancy
Prenatal Exercise
Kegel Exercises
Smoking During Pregnancy
Drugs During Pregnancy
Medications During Pregnancy
Birth Defects
Weight Gain During Pregnancy
Pregnancy Concerns
Pregnancy & Chronic Health Problems
Skin Care Tips During Pregnancy
INSPIRATION & FUN
Traveling During Pregnancy & With Kids
What Is A Midwife?
Living With A Pregnant Person
When Baby Makes Three
Male Bonding by Kellie Head
Things I Wish I knew Before Parenthood
Birthing Within
MoonDragon's Pregnancy Calendar Index
Photos obtained from A Child Is Born by Lennart Nilsson
and Pregnancy - in anatomical illustrations by the Carnation Company
The Conception Kit™
by Conceivex Inc
The only Conception Kit approved by the FDA
For use in the United States. This kit contains
a 3 month supply of Conceivex conception products.
MoonDragon's Conception Information
Using The Conception Kit™ Instructions
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