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Tumbling classes, ballet or dance class, peewee soccer, piano lessons, boy & girl scouts, little league baseball, homework, swimming classes... plus numerous other after school and summer activities can fill a child's day without leaving much free time for other activities and interests.
Therapists are beginning to see more children -- even as young as 3 -- for problems related to overscheduling, which can include stress and depression. Some busy, active kids seem to thrive on a full schedule of activities that require keeping track of time, while others are overwhelmed and are heading for burnout by the age of ten years old or younger.
PARENTAL PRESSURES
What's behind all this activity? Parents sometimes believe that more classes and more activities translates into more stimulated, smarter kids. Some kids are overloaded because of family pressures to excel, possibly beyond their capabilities, creating eventual frustration, burnout and possible rebellion in the child. Some parents overload their kids from a desire to participate in their child's activities or to live their lives through their child (such as a father wanting his son to be on the football team because the father was a football player as a kid or young man). Other parents, also over-scheduled, tend to use their kid's activities as a way to get personal time for themselves. Some kids experience an intertwined combination of these reasons for overload and are not able to distinguish one reason from another.
Changing structures of the family unit and neighborhoods are other factors. Many children are going to school outside their neighborhood so parents, teachers and other related adults are creating communities for them with sports, music and other activities. Families with both parents working are finding activities to keep the kids as busy as they are and off the streets where they can get into trouble, getting involved with unsavory activities or groups of individuals. Inner city gang activity is a serious family and community problem.
SLOWING DOWN
While exposing children to different interests isn't harmful, say experts, too many new faces can be hard on young kids, toddlers and preschoolers, who typically have trouble with changes in routine. Unstructured time to play alone, away from classes or teams is important. This is the time kids figure things out for themselves about themselves, about things they are thinking about or concerned about, and do a little inward processing of their life and environment in general. Quiet time used for reading a book, playing on the home computer, or listening to music and daydreaming is needed for positive child development. Time set aside for the family and family related activities, such as camping or going on a family picnic, are important for family bonding and building a strong family unit. Quiet time spent between a parent and child, such as reading a book out loud to your child, or playing a board game with your child or children is a great way to foster good parent-child relationships. Some of my favorite memories as a child was when my mother would gather us kids around her in the evening after dinner was over and read to us. No television, no outside interruptions. It was very nice.
Individual kids have different needs and thresholds of activity and may handle stress in different ways. Some kids might be so involved in their activities that they do not realize they are trying to do too much. As a parent, it is up to you to help determine when your child is in over his or her head with their schedule. You should sit down with them and set a reasonable schedule, one that the entire family can live with, especially your child.
When children truly have a passion for something and want to excel in it, they rarely feel too much stress or pressure. It is more often when the parents are giving the child the opportunity they never had that troubles arise.
As long as your child is having fun, there's no need for concern. But because little kids generally find it difficult to verbalize feelings, parents should be watchful for symptoms that accompany overload. Headaches, stomachaches, increased irritability, sleep problems are all signals that may indicate a need to slow down and reassess their activity load.
Keep in mind, if your child's activity schedule is stressing you out, your children are definitely doing too much.
BURNED OUT PARENTS
The usual first rule for setting up a schedule for your child is whether or not you, as the parent, can handle the schedule. A parent that is stressed-out and overtired is seldom a good parent to their children. As a parent, if you are stressed out from rush-hour traffic, dealing with the boss all day, exhausted and hungry when you arrive home, you may find yourself cranky, irritable, rude and very short with your children. A stressed out parent passes that stress on to the kids, making them miserable. Soon the entire household is in a stressed out mess.
Before you agree to a schedule of after school activities for your child, consider the time commitment for each activity, such as games and practice sessions, traveling to and fro from the activity, and the financial costs involved with it. You need to consider all the extra activities you may be expected to participate in as a means of support for your child in this activity, such as organizing activity sessions, phone calls to other parents, fund raisers or other means of obtaining finances for the activity (cake sales, baking cookies, donation drives, car washes, yard sales).
If you find yourself in a situation where the cold reality of the activity comes and slaps you in the face on a cold rainy afternoon with car problems and you are late to pick up your child from his or her activity, then you need to stop and re-assess the situation. If the activity program isn't working for you and your child, you may have to gracefully withdraw from the program and find other solutions to the problem. Too many parents are both working full time and trying to keep up with all of their children's activities too, trying to make it work. If you are a single parent, this can be more intense since there is only one of you to deal with the activity load.
Everybody has conflicts in their life at some time or another. Even when the regular activity schedules do not conflict, there are always special events that come up that can throw a wrench into the works. The time of year can make a difference on activity levels. The springtime and near the end of the school year with sports banquets, parties, dances, graduations, various clubs and concerts can be a nightmare for some parents.
The whole idea is that you and your children should be enjoying these activities. They are supposed to be fun and enriching your lives. It is supposed to be a happy time.
One solution for parents is to limit the number of activities per child. Some parents feel that only two activities per child per season is plenty for everyone to deal with. For instance, in the fall your son may want to play football and take karate classes. In the spring he may decide to join the swim team and play baseball, but he cannot take the karate classes if he takes up swimming and baseball. It gives your child a chance to make choices and try different things throughout the year without overburdening himself or you as the parent. Of course, rules can be bent if the schedule works for the family. Families with several children would have to adapt and possibly lighten the number of activities per child to one activity per child. Families with only one child and a parent that stays home during the day may be able to handle a heavier activity load.
COMPROMISE & PROBLEM SOLVING
If your kids are stressed out, you owe it to them to solve their activity problems and make it work for everyone concerned. Some stress is an inevitable part of learning and growing. Other types of stress, such as divorce or illness is also unavoidable, although children need extra support during these times. However, the stress created in our everyday lives regarding daily activities can be worked on and solved. If left unsolved, the child learns feelings of inadequacy and may feel that like they are not "enough". Behavioral problems, such as bedwetting and eating disorders, to serious illness, even failure-to-thrive syndrome in infants may occur due to stress. Stressed kids cannot learn. If your kids are stressed, get your lives back down to a slower pace.
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