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Humor
Minnie Pauz Website About Menopause & Menopausal Cartoons
This is my favorite menopausal website. These are wonderfully "funny-but-true" cartoons featuring "Minnie Pauz" for those of us who are going through or have gone through this sometimes challenging phase of our life. If you don't "get it" then you haven't "done it" yet.
It is 2003 and I am croning.... for the last several years (since 1993) I have been experiencing the joys, sadness, upheaval of emotions and angers, hotflashes (powersurges), mental confusions, loss of short-term memory and the whole array of other characteristics that define menopausal transition. I have been encouraged by allopathic medical professionals to take estrogen replacement therapies (hormone replacement therapy), which I have firmly declined. I feel the risks outweigh the benefits. Besides, I am following in the path of my mother and my grandmothers, very much as I did when I was giving birth to my children. I will do this on my own, in my own way, without the assistance and manipulation of medical science. I am experiencing a life transition. I don't want to subdue it or mask it with drugs and chemicals. I was forced into using drugs during childbirth (which is why my last 2 were born at home drug-free) and I became determined that nobody will every force me to do anything I don't want to do ever again. This goes for croning through my menopausal changes. This is a natural major life transition (just like birth, puberty, childbirth and mothering, and eventually death)... I want to experience my croning-time fully and to the best of my ability. Sometimes it is not easy. It definitely has had its ups and downs, to say the least. But then, all life transitions do. They are meant to be times of awakening.
Some of my personal croning ups and downs would be...
- UP: My winter heating expenses have been the cheapest ever! The gas company, I am sure, would hate to have only menopausal customers... they would go out of business.
DOWN: I tend to spend a great deal of time in walk-in refrigerator rooms and the frozen food sections of the supermarket melting the frozen peas and carrots. The summer is a killer when it comes to heat and hot flashes.
- UP: Growing independence in my life. This means in attitude as well as physically. I am feeling a power and self-assurance in myself that I have not had before in my life. I like having my children grown and on their own. I like being a grandma without the heavy responsibility of being the primary caregiver. I like realizing that I do NOT need a man in my life to feel complete as a woman. In fact, I have gotten to look at men as more of a hindrance and not an asset (except when it comes to changing my light bulbs on the kitchen ceiling!). My grandmothers all thrived for years, enjoying their new found freedom after the grandfathers all died off. None of them ever wanted to find another husband.
DOWN: Not wanting a relationship with anyone. Not willing to share space or find a compatible "significant other". Being too independent, not asking for assistance when I may need it. Missing the joys (and sometimes the heartaches) of mothering small ones (no... not really... being grandma is best!!).
- UP: I have decided to keep my round plus-size figure and never, ever, worry about dieting again. I have discovered that I do not need to be skinny to be happy and healthy. I eat and enjoy my meals, having them just the way I like. I refuse to be pulled into the thin and beautiful image promoted by advertisements and diet food industries.
DOWN: I tend to be slower and unable to get around like I used to do, like when I was thin and 20-something. Sometimes I have problems getting up off the floor (yes, I used to mop my floors with a wet cloth on my hands & knees, now I have to do it with my foot while using my toe to scrub the floor). I have difficulty getting out or chairs or up off soft sofas. I get stuck and have to have help. I have more exercise related breathing problems and flights of stairs are almost impossible with my bad knees. Developing osteoarthritis problems can be amplified by weight gain. I am also experiencing osteoporosis. When I move I sound like an old creaky door in an abandoned house.
- UP: I am enjoying watching the white streaks form in my hair. I will be excited when they are fully white so I can put purple or pink streaks in my hair when I feel like I want to be creative and different.
DOWN: My white hair is not as fine and luxurious as my youthful hair and tends to be harder to manage. It is similar to thin white wire, rather than hair. I can see why the "wild-haired" crone-hag image could have developed. I seem to lose more hair than I used to when I was younger. At least it appears so in the bathtub drain.
- UP: I am enjoying watching the fine lines turn into character-lines. I am trying to smile more and hopefully develop smile lines instead of frown lines on my face. As an artist, I love to look at elderly faces and see the character-lines in their face that form after a lifetime of living.
DOWN: My skin has become dryer and more sensitive to the sun, wind, temperature and humidity than it used to be. I tend to have problems with chapped skin, flaking, age spots, sags and bags, varicose veins, spider veins and other things more often than I used to.
- UP: I am much more opinionated, outspoken and confrontational when I see injustices occurring. I have become more of a defender of the young, unprotected, and elderly. I have more compassion, understanding, empathy, and I am able to provide support and help to many of those who ask for it, because I have "been there, done that" and can truly relate to many problems and situations that arise in our lives.
DOWN: I tend to find myself in undesirable confronting situations more often than I should or taking on more than I should when I am on a crusade of injustice. I tend to be a "crying shoulder" all too often and get tired of listening to everybody's problems, especially when they have no intention of resolving their situations or finding solutions. I tend to have less patience with people who would rather complain than to change their lives. I have less energy and staying power than I used to have.
- UP: I have less or little "awe" in authority, celebrity, famous, or wealthy individuals and groups since I know they, too, are in their own life journey, not much different than my own. They are no better or worse than I am. We are simply spiritual beings having a human experience at the same time. I am becoming an "elder" or "wise one" myself, with some of life's wisdom (hard learned in the school of hard knocks) and experiences behind me that I am able to share with others, when needed.
DOWN: I tend to have problems respecting "authority" types... like younger bosses or any other person that acts immature and inconsistent (young little whipper-snapper! ...what do they know!). I tend to argue more and make myself a pain in an employer's behind if I don't agree with their way of doing things without an explanation. My remedy to this situation is to become self-employed. Poorer but happier. I don't mind sharing my experiences about the "old days" (over and over again!).
- UP: I found I have simple needs and simple tastes in living. I have no great need to have a lot of material possessions.
DOWN: I also fear of having to live on cat food as I get older because of restricted income. I doubt I shall ever be able to "retire" except by death since living has become so expensive and social security doesn't pay much. A few more years social security may be a thing of the past. On social security, you have to have simple tastes and needs.
- UP: With short-term memory loss difficulties, I have the ability to re-watch movies, re-read books, and eat the same thing for several nights in a row without becoming bored with it.
DOWN: I am seriously contemplating putting name tags in my clothes for when I become lost or misplaced, someone finding me will be able to take me home. I have problems finding things that I had just a moment or two before... heavens! if I put it somewhere yesterday or last week... I will never find it until I absolutely do not need it. Or remembering to do things.... like "why did I enter the bedroom? I know I came in here for something! Forget about me remembering names and numbers... even my own. I tend to call everyone "hon" or "sweetie" because their name escapes my brain. It is not meant to disrespect them or being condescending... but I really have a problem with names and numbers. I have to re-ask the same question a good dozen times sometimes... it is frustrating for me and for the person I am talking to. I have to write down everything and then remember what I do with the note. I find myself repeating the same stories (my daughter rolls her eyes at me... this is how I know I have already told her the story!) to the same people.
- UP: I am finally having to deal with suppressed emotional issues. I am cleaning my "emotional house". I am healing from past abuses and experience and finding my triggers. Once these triggers are found, I am able to control them much better.
DOWN: I can go from happy and smiling to super-bitch with blood-gushing, throat-ripping, gore-splattering possibilities to crying at bank commercials on TV. This is all in a matter of moments from start to finish. I sometimes frighten myself with the intensity of my rage and the extensive depression during my sad moments. Luckily emotional outbursts usually pass relatively quickly and nobody has gotten their heart ripped out or head severed, at least not lately.
- UP: My menstrual cycles are finally winding down (Whoopie!!) and hopefully will be ceasing altogether soon. I am looking forward to this and my full "cronedom". I am planning on a croning party once this occurs.
DOWN: When my menstrual period shows up, I never know when it may occur, how long it will last, or how heavy the flow may be. I have had several years of "flooding", which is messy and inconvenient. It feels like you had your period all at once and makes me miserable. I have had to resort to wearing incontinence pads during these times because they are larger and will catch more of the blood overflow. I also become very tired and tend to sleep more during these times.
- UP: I am staying closer to home and my bathroom now. It gives me a chance to get more done around the house and to work on my website. I am becoming a homebody.
DOWN: I have developed a major case of the "dribbles". Stress and urge incontinence has become much more of a problem. I have lost a lot of muscle control over bladder and bowel than I used to have. I need to stay close to a bathroom and when I feel any urge at all, I need to waddle to the bathroom as quickly as I can. Sometimes ya make it, sometimes ya don't.
And this is only scraping the surface.... *sigh*! Croning is quite an experience, to say the least. These are things our mothers and our grandmothers usually didn't tell us. Hopefully a little wisdom and intuitive insight are the rewards of becoming a "wise-one". This has to be the upside of creaking, groaning, leaking, and arthritic stiffness and pain.
UPDATE 2005:
I have finally completed my croning (peri-menopausal) transition as of April 2004 at the age of 51 years. Since then, the hot flashes have ceased for the most part. My menstrual period has ceased (yahoo!) and I have actually gotten cold for the first time in years. I actually had to turn on my heat last winter because I got chilly. Of course, this meant I had to buy some sweaters and a winter coat, neither of which I had for years. But this is okay. I no longer have night sweats, menstrual flooding, and mood swings, much to the pleasure of my children and grandchildren. I have mellowed out very nicely. I did it without hormone therapy and any other artificial means. It was a long transition.
Some women have only a few symptoms or none at all, others like me, have all the symptoms to varying degrees of intensity. It has been over a year now and I feel great and can finally say that I am an official "Crone". Believe me ladies, if I could do it, so can you. It isn't easy to say the least... for you or your family. But, you can get through it. There is that light at the end of this major life transition tunnel.
Learn to dance with the Crone and embrace her with her wit, her humor and her wisdom.
Helpful Information & Links
Greatness of Older Women by Andy Rooney
Welcome to PowerSurge. Menopausal information.
The Ladies Room Wall: Quotes By Women When you're not blond and thin, you come up with a personality real quick.
by Kathy NajimyOne day I said to myself: "I'm forty!" By the time I recovered from the shock of that discovery, I had reached fifty."
By Simone deBeauvoirYou grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.
By Ethel BarrymoreGravity always wins.
By Erma BombeckAge is just a number - and mine is unlisted.
Message found on a needlepoint pillowI married beneath me. All women do.
By Nancy AstorAfter 40 a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face. My advice is to keep the face and stay sitting down.
By Barbara CartlandIt's hard to be devil-may-care When there are pleats in your derriere. It's hard to surrender to sin while trying to hold your stomach in.
By Judith ViorstYou have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
By Ellen DeGeneresIf you rest, you rust.
By Helen HayesOne of my greatest delights is that I have outlived most of my opposition.
By Maggie KuhnI've got everything I've always had. Only it's six inches lower.
By Gypsy Rose LeeThe only options open for girls then were, of course, mother, secretary, or teacher...I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where "Dental Hygienist" has been added to the list.
By RoseanneThey say that women talk too much. If you have worked in congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men.
By Clare Booth LuceWe have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.
By Elayne BooslerI'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
By Carol LeiferBehind every successful man is a surprised woman.
By Maryon PearsonI still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.
By Debbie MarshI'm at an age where my back goes out more often than I do.
By Phyllis DillerNobody's last words have ever been, "I wish I had eaten more rice cakes."
By Amy Krouse RosenthalWomen want men, career, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love and cheap stockings that don't run.
By Phyllis DillerIf you're sure everything will be okay, you've overlooked something.
BY Ann LandersI'm going to marry again because I'm more mature now and I need some kitchen stuff.
By Wendy LiebmanI don't know anything about being a millionaire, but I'm sure I'd be darling at it.
By Dorothy ParkerAn archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
By Agatha ChristieI'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
By Dolly PartonNever lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
By Erma BombeckI think, therefore I'm single.
By Liz WinstonIn my heart, I think a woman has two choices: either she's a feminist or a masochist.
By Gloria SteinemFar away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
By Louisa May AlcottCautious, careful people always casting about to preserve their reputation or social standards never can bring about reform. Those who are really in earnest are willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathies with despised ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences.
By Susan B. AnthonyThe day will come when men will recognize woman as his peer, not only at the fireside, but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then, will there be the perfect comradeship, the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race.
By Susan B. AnthonyIn passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on a woman.
By Nancy Astor (British Politician)For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women.
By Elizabeth Blackwell (The first woman in the U.S. to become a physician)We stand now where two roads diverge. But unlike the roads in Robert Frost's familiar poem, they are not equally fair. The road we have long been traveling is deceptively easy, a smooth superhighway on which we progress with great speed, but at its end lies disaster. The other fork of the road-the one "less traveled by"-offers our last, our only chance to reach a destination that assures the preservation of the earth.
By Rachel CarsonThe family unit plays a critical role in our society and in the training of the generation to come.
By Sandra Day O'ConnorWe've chosen the path to equality, don't let them turn us around.
By Geraldine Ferraro (The first woman to be nominated as Vice President of the United States)You can do one of two things; just shut up, which is something I don't find easy, or learn an awful lot very fast, which is what I tried to do.
By Jane FondaIf you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it.
By Margaret FullerMy address is like my shoes. It travels with me. I abide where there is a fight against wrong.
By Mother JonesDon't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.
By Janis JoplinMany persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
By Helen KellerIf we are to achieve a richer culture, rich in contrasting values, we must recognize the whole gamut of human potentialities, and so weave a less arbitrary social fabric, one in which each diverse gift will find a fitting place.
By Margaret MeadNever doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
By Margaret MeadI can honestly say that I was never affected by the question of the success of an undertaking. If I felt it was the right thing to do, I was for it regardless of the possible outcome.
By Golda MeirSomething which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade.
By Constance Baker Motley (First Black Woman in the U.S. to become a Federal Judge)I think the key is for women not to set any limits.
By Martina NavratilovaPeople think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me.
By Princess DianaRemember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
By Eleanor RooseveltI think it's very important for everyone in America to realize right now the state of our country, not just on this issue but on a lot of issues, that it is time to get active again. People have just sat back and just sort of said, oh, let somebody else do it for a long time, and we're seeing what's happening to the country, even freedom of speech. It's not going well. So I think this is a real opportunity for people to see, yes, if you do get out and you do get active, there are other people there. You just have to seek them out.
By Mary SteenburgenThe first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.
By Gloria SteinemI am also very proud to be a liberal. Why is that so terrible these days? The liberals were liberators-they fought slavery, fought for women to have the right to vote, fought against Hitler, Stalin, fought to end segregation, fought to end apartheid. Liberals put an end to child labor and they gave us the five day work week! What's to be ashamed of?
By Barbra StreisandWe still live in a world in which a significant fraction of people, including women, believe that a woman belongs and wants to belong exclusively in the home.
By Rosalyn Sussman (Nobel Prize-winning medical physicist)You can tell how high a society is by how much of its garbage is recycled.
By Tahanie (Native American)It's so clear that you have to cherish everyone. I think that's what I get from these older black women, that every soul is to be cherished, that every flower is to bloom.
By Alice WalkerI've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
By Martha WashingtonAs a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.
By Virginia WoolfWhen women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
By Elayne BooslerAny girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
By Hedy LamarrBehind every successful man is a surprised woman.
By Maryon Pearson"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
By Marie CorelliI base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
By Gilda RadnerOur struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel.
By Bella AbzugSometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
By Katharine HepburnIn politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
By Margaret ThatcherNagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
By Baroness Edith SummerskillIf men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
By Linda EllerbeeI am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
By Zsa Zsa Gabor
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