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Abstinence is the choice not to have intercourse. Every person has a different definition of abstinence. Total abstinence includes refraining from all types of sexual activity. This includes: vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex, outercourse (dry sex or grinding), mutual masturbation, and any other sexually gratifying activity. Many sexual activities cannot result in pregnancy, but they are still considered an act of sexual intimacy. A number of these activities can still result in the transmission of diseases. Whatever you do, it's important to make responsible sexual choices. Educate yourself about your options and stay safe. Abstaining to prevent pregnancy means that there is no contact between a man's penis and a woman's vagina. Sexual abstinence is practiced in every country in the world and is the only sure way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease (STD). Abstinence, or the action of refraining from sexual activity, has been used for centuries in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies. In fact, abstinence is a normal and acceptable practice used by men and women of all ages who are not yet prepared to accept the risks of sexual activity.
Some people argue that sexual abstinence is not a true form of birth control. But, birth control is any act, drug, or device that is intended to prevent pregnancy. This means that choosing to abstain is really a contraceptive. Did you know that among teens, abstinence is the most popular method of birth control? Among people aged 15-19, fewer than half have ever had sex. Over one in ten women of reproductive age have never had sex at all.
When you are feeling close to another person, it may seem natural to progress from hugging and kissing to sexual intercourse. Many people use sexual activity and intercourse as a way to express love, tenderness, and affection. However, emotional affection can also be expressed in alternative ways and this can circumvent many of the risks associated with intercourse. Enjoying a walk on the beach, a romantic dinner for two, or just a night at the movies can illustrate the same meaning inherent in sex and also allow for the formation of a deep emotional bond. Refraining from sexual activity doesn't mean that you aren't interested in expressing affection for your loved one. To the contrary, abstinence can open up opportunities to developing meaningful communication with your partner.
People who choose abstinence may be sexual in other ways (like touching or holding hands). They just decide not to express their sexuality through vaginal intercourse, but may choose kissing, petting or even have oral sex. Some may choose complete abstinence of sexual contact and remain celibate. The main point with this type of contraception, is there is no penis to vagina sexual contact at all.
If abstinence is your only form of protection, it must be practiced carefully and completely. The reward for doing so is 100% reliability. It's an all-or-nothing deal which many women are quite satisfied with choosing.
Some people don't think of this as a birth control method because it does not protect people who have sex from getting pregnant. However, it is an important choice that may be right for some people, during certain times in their lives or for their whole lives.
People choose abstinence for many reasons. Some see abstinence as a way to postpone sexual intercourse until they are truly ready for sex. Others think that it is important to abstain from all close sexual contact until they are married. Some may choose abstinence from a lack of appropriate sexual partners, for fear of unwanted pregnancy, for religious or moral reasons, or for various health reasons. Some people choose abstinence for their whole lives.
Abstinence can be safely used by anyone. It causes no side effects or health problems even if a couple becomes sexually aroused and then abstains from sex, their sex organs will not be harmed. However, sexual abstinence can be a hard thing to practice. Young people especially find the drive of hormones and curiosity difficult to overcome. If you want to practice abstinence, try avoiding high-pressure situations like empty dorm rooms and the back seat of automobiles. There are many pressures in society that make it difficult to save sex until you are ready to have sex. Don't give in to peer pressure or teasing if you are still a virgin or you choose to refrain from further sexual activity after prior sexual intercourse. Though it will be or can be hard, you may find that abstinence is far more rewarding then you ever thought it could be.
If you do choose to engage in sexual contact without intercourse, you are sharing the responsibility of protection with your partner to a greater degree than with other methods. This is not like you getting the man to put on the condom, or having him wait until you get your diaphragm in, because once the precaution has been taken, you do not have to trust in your partner to remember his part of the responsibility in actions that could be considered hazardous. But with abstinence, you must constantly be aware of actions and you are partly relying on him to remember also. Abstinence is a more intimate form of protection than most other methods and it should be practiced only with someone you can really trust, or else you should practice it with absolutely no sexual contact at all.
If a person doesn't have intercourse, there is no risk of pregnancy. Abstinence also reduces the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD). However, if couples have close sexual contact, like oral sex or anal sex (or any kind of genital-to-genital contact even though intercourse doesn't technically occur), STDs can be spread even though vaginal intercourse doesn't occur.
This is the only method of birth control that always works to prevent pregnancy, if used perfectly and consistently. Pregnancy can't occur if sperm do not enter the vagina. If ejaculation occurs outside the vagina, but still in close proximity, there is still a very slight chance that pregnancy can occur even if the penis was never inserted in the vagina. There must not be ANY genital-to-genital contact, ejaculation or not. However, if a person is not able to choose to avoid sex, abstinence won't work. To work well, this method requires a clear decision that a person won't have intercourse. It helps to talk clearly and sometimes firmly about this choice with a partner who wants to have sex. It may also be important to stay away from situations that might make it hard to keep this choice, such as using alcohol or other drugs.
If you are practicing complete abstinence from sexual contact, you may none-the-less want some sexual release. (Or you may not feel this need; either situation is normal). Masturbation is often recommended. This can be done with your hands (with a little help from fantasies), or you can use all kinds of adult "toys", like a dildo or vibrator. Masturbation is a normal sexual practice and is common among humans and in the rest of the animal kingdom as well. Guilt should not be associated with it.
Abstinence should not be confused with a technique called "withdrawal," in which the man does penetrate, but pulls out before ejaculation. Withdrawal may not work well if the man does not stop himself and remember to pull out. Sometimes a very small amount of semen is released during sexual excitement even though ejaculation has not occurred. Many men don't accomplish the withdrawal effectively or completely. Sometimes they get so wrapped up in the height of sexual arousal that they are simply unable to "pull out" in time or at all. Don't get talked into using this method if what you want is abstinence. This is the reason why you should only attempt sex-without-intercourse with a truly trusted partner. Withdrawal can still transmit STD's (including HIV).
Effectiveness:Failure rates
- Typical User: Unknown
- Perfect Use: 0%
If you are currently abstinent and are considering sex, here are some questions to ask yourself:If the answers to any of these questions is "no," then it's sensible to wait. If you have been sexually active, get yourself tested for STD's. If you need to talk to someone about your relationship, visit your local pregnancy center for free counseling. Sex can be a wonderful, sharing, exciting experience -- with the right person at the right time.
- Does having sex before marriage agree with my own morals? (Talk it over with someone who shares your values. Discuss it with the person you are considering having sex with and sharing your body. Make sure he or she shares the same moral values as you do.)
- If I get pregnant, am I prepared to manage single parenthood? (That is a lot of work for one night of fun. Keep in mind if you bring a child into this world, you most likely will have this person in your life, because of the baby you produced between the two of you and his parental rights, whether or not you want him around you. Be very careful about who you choose to have as the father of your child.)
- If I am not ready for an unwanted pregnancy, am I ready to deal with the pain of abortion or adoption? (Most people aren't.)
- Do I really know this person? (It takes months, sometimes years to get to know someone -- there are some types of men (and women) to avoid.)
- If the relationship breaks up, will I be glad that I had sex with this person? (How will you feel later? We have all made our mistakes in making certain choices. It is better not to have sex with this person rather than to regret it later.)
- Is he pressuring me to have sex? (Mental doubts could be a signal to back-off. Do NOT get talked into anything you do not want to happen. They can be very creative and persuasive in getting into an intimate situation with you. Watch out for "Date Rape" situations. "NO" should mean "NO", but in the real world, this doesn't always stop the person from completing the sexually charged act of sexual intercourse.)
- Am I pressuring him to have sex? (Resentment could be a result. If pregnancy results, resentment could turn into a very negative and nasty situation.)
- Am I sure that my partner is not infected with a sexually transmitted disease? (AIDS can be deadly, but AIDS is not the only STD that you need to worry about.)
- Am I sure that I'm not infected with a sexually transmitted disease which I could give my partner? (That would not be an act of love. If you have an existing STD, you need to inform any potential or current sexual partner before sexual contact occurs. This is important! If you have a STD and you don't inform your sexual partner before intimacy, you can and may be charged with criminal negligence and/or assault. See links below.)
One last word (or two):
If there is ANY chance that you will find yourself in a situation where sexual contact is a possibility (and I can not stress this enough!) or you are participating in risky activity where unwanted sexual activity could take place (such as alcohol or drug usage resulting in getting drunk or high and finding yourself vulnerable), please practice some other method of birth control or contraception besides or in addition to abstinence. Sometimes intimate contact with another person can and do "get out of control" in the heat-of-the-moment and it is best to be safe than sorry for a moment's slip-up. It never hurts to have a back-up plan available, just in case. Many teenage girls and women will use birth control pills (as an example) or other form of contraception in addition to complete abstinence.
Remember... Abstinence is only effective when used 100% of the time and complete abstinence of ANY and ALL sexual contact is used.
Sexually transmitted diseases can be devastating to your health (not to mention life threatening) and unwanted pregnancy can result in very agonizing choices and life-changing outcomes.
LINKS
PlanetPapers: Sexual Abstinence
KidsHealth.org: Abstinence
ContraceptionOnline: Teens, Sex, & Contraception
4Woman.gov: FAQ About Birth Control Methods
PlannedParenthood: Abstinence Only Sex Education
Criminal Law & HIV/AIDS
Criminal, Deliberate & Reckless HIV Transmission
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