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MoonDragon's Realm - Relationship Humor
Differences Between Men & Women

  • Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

  • Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and have bought jewelery.

  • Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

  • Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

  • Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

  • Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

  • All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow instead of a gun.

  • A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaners. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

  • All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear into the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

  • Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

  • Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and nerdy

  • Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

  • Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. Get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

  • Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor, two inches from the door.

  • If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

  • If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right" because he got older, got a new job, or visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

  • No man is charming all the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

  • When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

  • When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

  • Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice voluntarily.

  • Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

  • If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

  • Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

  • Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

  • Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

  • Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles and sportcars.
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  • Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

  • Women always worry about the things that men forget. Men always worry about the things women remember. (Albert Einstein)

  • Men pull their shirts off by the back collar. Women pull their shrits off by the front hem.

  • Men choose soap based on what is in front of them. Women choose soap based on scent, sensitivity, natural ingredients, anti-aging properties, comparative research, sleekness of bottle, and whether or not the bottle is recyclable.

  • Men look at their nails palms up. Women look at their nails palms down.

  • Men need four minutes, three articles of clothing and one "You still haven't packed yet?" to pack for a trip. Women need four weeks, three bags and one very detailed list to pack for a trip.

  • Men will pretend they can finish the whole steak AND the whole dessert. Women will pretend they do not want the whole steak or any dessert.

  • Men will kind of smile in group photos. Women check one another's teeth, hair and makeup before squeezing close together in odd yet flattering poses, then make the photographer retake the same photo with everybody's phone or camera.

  • Men will read in the bathroom while pooping. Women read in the bathroom while hiding.

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