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MoonDragon's Realm - Parenting Humor


Date: Sunday, December 08 @ 10:28:05 EST
Topic: House & Home

1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A four-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Pound Puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
5. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
7. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
8. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
13. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
15. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
16. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak. It explodes.
17. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house four inches deep.
18. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
19. Duplos will not.
20. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
21. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
22. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
23. Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.
24. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
25. Puppies still have bad breath after they eat a Tic Tac.
26. Never hold a cat and a dustbuster at the same time.
27. School lunches stick to the walls.
28. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts, no matter how cool the underwear is.

Linda Sharp is an internationally published humorist, appearing regularly in publications from Canada to New Zealand, as well as many parenting websites. She is also co-creator of the totally irreverent and hilarious Sanity Central - Time Out From Parenting. As a mother of three children (4 if you count her husband ), she firmly believes that laughter IS the best medicine. Email the author. Visit her site.

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