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MoonDragon's Realm - Parenting Humor


Date: Monday, December 02 @ 09:45:51 EST
Topic: Daddy Dearest

There are certain phrases and questions you hear only in houses where there are kids. Words, sentiments or expressions that would be unique to within the walls where families live and children grow -- and nowhere else.

According to Mrs. P, some of these phrases could very well be heard where only husbands live too, but I resemble that remark.

Anyway, here are a few favorites:
  • Can I please peel your banana for you before you eat it?
  • Whose socks are in the microwave?
  • Please don't climb on the cat.
  • Get off the phone right now!
  • Where are my shin guards?
  • Please don't use your shirt sleeve to wipe your nose.
  • Get down off there.
  • What, do you think I can see through you?
  • You call this clean?
  • Quit touching yourself.
  • Because I'm your mother, that's why.
  • Because she's your mother, that's why.
  • Daddy? ... Daddy?... Daddy? ... Daddy? ... Daddy? ... Daddy? ... Daddy? ... Daddy?... Daddy?
  • Will you PLEASE get your finger out of your nose.
  • The answer is still no.
  • I don't care what everybody else's parents are letting them do.
  • If Lindsay said she was going to jump off a bridge would you jump off a bridge too?
  • It's MINE!
  • Don't hit your sisters.
  • Did you wipe?
  • Yes, but did you wipe good?
  • As long as you live in this house, that's the way it will be.
  • Beats me, ask your mother.
  • How should I know, ask your father?
  • I was a kid once, too, ya know.
  • I don't know HOW LONG it's been, but that's not important.
  • Who forgot to lower the toilet seat?
  • Who forgot to lift the toilet seat?
  • Who's going to wipe the pee off the toilet seat?
  • It wasn't me.
  • ... and do it THIS INSTANT!
  • What time is it, where is it, and when do I have to pick you up?
  • As long as I live there will never be another slumber party in this house.
  • You promised I'd do WHAT?
  • There's not enough money in the world.
  • Stop that and eat.
  • Stop eating that now.
  • Chew your food.
  • Don't talk with your mouth full.
  • Get off the couch with that cupcake.
  • Who spilled cupcake crumbs on the couch?
  • Close that refrigerator door RIGHT NOW.
  • You pierced what?
  • What is that silver thing in your tongue?
  • Turn off the light when you leave the room.
  • Don't 'But, Dad!' me.
  • Yeah, sure it was an accident.
  • I will NOT be ignored.
  • Don't make me come over there.
  • If I have to get up out of this chair ...
  • I'm sorry, but this is not a democracy.
  • If you can't play nice, then you can't play at all.
  • Please don't yell from room to room.
  • Sure, I understand.
  • Knock first, PLEASE.
  • Are you bleeding?
  • 'Cause if you're not bleeding, you're fine.
  • Don't.
  • Don't.
  • DON'T!!!
  • Stop it right now.
  • And how long have you known about this?
  • I don't care what so-and-so is doing.
  • If you don't behave ... I'LL GROUND YOU FOREVER!!
  • Any reason why you always disappear when it's time to set the table / wash the dishes / clean your room / take the trash out / feed the cat / feed the dog / make your bed / do your homework?)
  • I am sick and tired of (FILL IN THE BLANK) ...
  • You're right ... life isn't fair.

To read previous "Life With Dad" columns, Visit the site. Email the author..

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