DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESOURCE INFORMATION
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.... ARE YOU CONCERNED?
An informational website for those who want to know more about battering & abuse.
Graphics Courtesy of Florida Dept. of Corrections
Domestic Violence is a serious health and social problem, affecting millions of women and children.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - THE FACTS
A woman is battered every nine seconds. One in seven women seen for general medical care report violence in their relationship. Between one and two million women in the US have a history of partner violence. One in nine women report recent domestic abuse and more than one in two women report a lifetime prevalence of violence.
Approximately 97 percent of the victims of domestic violence are women. In at least half of the cases of child abuse, mothers are also being abused.
In 1994, the Boston Police Department responded to more than 11,000 incidents of domestic violence; during that same year they also made more than 3,000 arrests for violations of restraining orders.
Children of abused mothers are six times more likely to attempt suicide and 50 percent more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.
One in five women who are pregnant also experience domestic violence. Women who are physically or sexually abused during pregnancy are more likely than non-abused women to deliver low-birth weight babies and to delay seeking prenatal care.
Domestic violence can result in acute injury, chronic illness, mental health problems, substance abuse, and sometimes death.
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Domestic violence is a pattern of violent behavior and/or coercive control exercised by a person over another person.
Abusers use physical and sexual violence, threats, emotional insults, economic deprivation, and social isolation to dominate their partners and get their way. These behaviors can occur in any combination, in sporadic episodes or chronically. Domestic abuse can be a punch or a slap, harassment, intimidation, rape, or even murder.
MoonDragon's Womens Health Information: Domestic Violence - Description, Signs, Symptoms, Risk Factors, Prevention & Treatment
WHO EXPERIENCES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Women of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels, and ages are battered - by husbands, boyfriends, lovers and partners. While the vast majority of victims of domestic violence are women, men are also battered by their partners. People in gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities experience domestic violence as well. Children are often traumatized by witnessing violence at home and may be another target of the batterer's abuse and control. House pets often become victims of abuse and violence in a home where domestic violence occurs. A person who is affected by domestic violence is usually the best judge of the risks involved and her/his opinion needs to be respected in all decisions regarding safety.
WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
While each situation is different, there are some common signs of abusive relationships.
You deserve to be healthy and safe in your relationships... Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between a loving relationship and an abusive one. At first, things can be exciting and romantic. As time goes on, what may seem like a perfectly loving relationship can sometimes turn abusive. What may have been considered "protective caring" initially, may turn into "raging jealousy" as time progresses. Keep in mind, some of the worst serial abusers (those with repeating abusive patterns in multiple relationships) are often the most charming while in the honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle (this is also true of many serial killers too). Above all... If you are a victim of abuse, it is not your fault.
The following list of some of the warning signs can help you to identify an abusive relationship. If your partner has been doing any of these things to you, you may be in an abusive relationship. Please seriously step back and take another look at your relationship if any of these things are happening.
Do you see a pattern in your relationship?
The person who is abusing you may seem like two different people - loving some of the time and mean some of the time. Most people want the relationship to continue and the violence to end. This can be confusing and may make it harder to know what to do.
When people are abusive, they are taking control to hurt you. Is the person controlling your life?
Social Interactions & Personal Freedoms:
Do you have to check in before you go places?
Are you allowed to go places without the other person being with you?
Are you expected to carry a beeper or a cell phone and respond immediately when paged or called?
Are you told where you can go or who you spend time with?
Do you feel you have to ask to spend time with your family or friends?
Do you feel like you are being forced into isolation from your friends and family by the person?
Are you wrongly accused of flirting, teasing, or infidelity?
Are these accusations occurring in what may be considered a totally ridiculous scenario under normal conditions?
Are you being told you are not good enough?
Or that no one else would want to be with you?
Are you having mind games played on you?
Are you and your feelings ignored? Ridiculed?
Are your personal goals and activities supported?
Are you being called names and having derogatory statements made about you?
Can you express yourself without being judged?
Do you feel comfortable expressing yourself?
Can you talk about any thing without fear of being hurt or put down?
When you do not agree, can you find middle ground or negotiate and compromise?
Are you forced into financial dependency by taking your money?
Are you allowed to have your own money and to use it for what you deem necessary?
Is the person acting jealous, yelling, making you feel guilty?
Are you afraid?
Personal Sexual Safety:
Have you been infected with a sexually transmitted disease?
Are you forced into having sex when you do not want it?
Can you choose safer sex without being accused of cheating or not trusting?
Do you have the ability to use or refuse to use birth control for pregnancy choices?
If you are pregnant, are you receiving the loving support that you should be during this special event?
Personal Physical Safety:
Are you being hurt in ways such as hitting, choking, or using objects or weapons to hurt you?
Are you making excuses to family, friends, authority figures (such as police & health care providers)?
Are you hiding abusive attacks from outsiders?
Are you blaming yourself for outbursts and occurrences?
Are you a regular face at the emergency room?
Are you being threatened or harassed at work?
Are you being forced into drinking or using drugs?
Is the person abusing alcohol and/or drugs (which often makes the abuse worse)?
Is the person threatening suicide or continuing to harass you after the relationship ends.
Is the person using your immigration status to threaten you?
IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
You do NOT deserve to be beaten or threatened.
You are NOT responsible for your partner's abuse.
You are NOT alone - there are many other women, like you, who are or have been in similar situations. (Note: Men can also be victims in abusive relationships.)
Tell someone you trust. Talk to a friend, relative, neighbor, counselor, or health care provider. Get the support you need from someone who cares about you and will keep what you say confidential. Surround yourself with people you trust and who understand what you are going through.
Call a 24 hour hotline to get support and information about what you can do. You can call without giving your name. Hotline people are not there to judge you, but to assist you in exploring your choices and figuring out ways to be safe. Hotlines can give you information about shelters, support groups, legal assistance, and other resources. Call 4-1-1 for the number of your local battered women's program or use the resource list in this webpage.
If you need medical attention, call your health care provider or go to an emergency room. If you are pregnant, it is important to seek prenatal care. Domestic violence can cause many different health problems and injuries that should not be ignored. Leave a medical paper-trail as supporting proof in the event that this needs to go to court for legal proceedings.
Plan for your safety - whether you are still in the relationship, are making plans to leave or have already left. Think about who you can call, where you can go, and what you will need.
IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS BEING ABUSED
Let her know that you support and care about her and that she is not responsible for the violence. Tell her she does not deserve to be abused. Listen without judging. Allow her to express herself in a comforting, safe environment. Share your concerns for her safety and for the well-being of her children. Inform her about available resources. Encourage her to call a battered women's hotline so she can explore all her options. Empower her to make her own decisions. Offer to assist her in seeking medical care, legal protection or other resources should she decide to pursue any of these options. Whether she makes plans to leave or remains in the relationship, help her to consider all of the ways she can increase her safety. If you see or hear an assault in progress, call the police. DO NOT intervene and jeopardize your own safety.
Domestic violence is a crime. The Abuse Prevention Act, also known as Chapter 209A, defines abuse as:
Actual physical abuse or an attempt to harm another; Placing another in fear of imminent serious physical harm; or Forcing someone to have sex.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & ABUSE
Help, Treatment, Intervention, & Prevention
If you are a victim of domestic violence or abuse, you may be afraid to seek help out of fear of you are your partner would do if he found out. However, there are many things you can do to protect yourself when leaving. Start by creating a safety plan ahead of time, so you know exactly where to go and how to get away fast when your abuser attacks.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) for advice, support and help with your escape.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has additional information and help can be obtained through E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Help for the hearing-impaired: 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or email@example.com.
If you need emergency help immediately, call 9-1-1 if you are in immediate danger of domestic violence or have already been hurt.
Call your stateís branch of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence if you need a shelter from domestic violence. To find your stateís hotline number, go to the State Coalition List.
How can a woman safely leave an abusive relationship and protect herself from further abuse?
Most women cannot simply leave their homes, their jobs, their children's schools, their friends, and their relatives to escape their abuser. They depend upon police to enforce the law against physical abuse. Yet, police cannot act until a restraining order is violated or until some physical harm befalls the woman.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, you may believe that it's easier to stay with your abuser than to try to leave and risk retaliation. However, there are many things you can do to protect yourself while getting out of an abusive situation, and there are people waiting to help.
PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
If you live with someone who abuses you or if someone is stalking you, you need to take immediate measures to protect yourself. You are in extra danger if your abuser or stalker talks about murder or suicide. You are also in particular danger if you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship.
Because of the risk of being seriously hurt or killed when leaving an abusive relationship, it is important to develop a safe plan for departure. The National Domestic Violence Hotline website provides Hotlines for help. People who are staffing the phones or answering E-mail can advise you on how to protect yourself, refer you to other services and domestic violence shelters, and inform you about local laws and restraining orders.
IF YOU ARE STILL LIVING WITH AN ABUSIVE PARTNER
Know your abuser's red flags. Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons you can use to leave the house (both during the day and at night) if you sense trouble brewing.
Identify safe areas of the house. Know where to go if your abuser attacks or an argument starts. Avoid small, enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the kitchen). If possible, head for a room with a phone and an outside door or window.
Be prepared to leave at a moment's notice. Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with the driver's door unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place (at a friend's house, for example).
Practice escaping quickly and safely. Rehearse your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if under attack from your abuser. If you have children, have them practice the escape plan also.
Come up with a code word. Establish a word, phrase, or signal you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors, or co-workers know that you are in danger and the police should be called.
Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts. Ask several trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline.
Keep change and cash on you at all times. Know where the nearest public phone is located, and have change available so you can use it in an emergency situation to call for help. Also try to keep cash on hand for cab fare.
Additionally, to keep yourself safe from domestic abuse and violence you should document all abuse. If you have been injured, take photographs. If you have been abused in front of others, ask witnesses to write down what they saw. Finally, do not hesitate to call the police if your abuser has hurt you or broken the law. Contact the police even if you just think your abuser might have broken a law. Assaulting you, stealing from you, and destroying your property are all crimes.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ESCAPE KIT
PACK A SURVIVAL KIT:
- Money for cab fare.
- A change of clothes.
- Extra house and car keys.
- Birth certificates.
- Driver's license and/or passport.
- Medications and copies of prescriptions.
- Insurance information.
- Credit cards.
- Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders.
- Address books.
- Valuable jewelry.
- Papers that show jointly owned assets.
Conceal it in the home or leave it with a trusted neighbor, friend, or relative. Important papers can also be left in a bank deposit box.
Source: U.S. Department of Agriculture, Domestic Violence Awareness Handbook
PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN
FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & ABUSE
TIPS FOR MAKING YOUR CHILDREN SAFER
Teach them not to get in the middle of a fight, even if they want to help.
Teach them how to get to safety, to call 9-1-1, to give your address and phone number to the police.
Teach them who to call for help.
Tell them to stay out of the kitchen.
Give school officials a copy of your court order; tell them not to release your children to anyone without talking to you first; use a password so they can be sure it is you on the phone; give them a photo of the abuser.
Make sure the children know who to tell at school if they see the abuser.
Make sure that the school knows not to give your address or phone number to anyone.
Source: American Bar Association
LEAVING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP SAFELY
You may be afraid to leave out of fear that your partner will retaliate if they find out. However, there are precautions you can take to stay safe as you seek help.
SEEKING HELP BY PHONE
When you seek help by phone, use a corded phone if possible, rather than a cordless phone or cell phone. A corded phone is more private, and less easy to tap.
Remember that if you use your own home phone or telephone charge card, the phone numbers that you call will be listed on the monthly bill that is sent to your home.
Even if you have already left by the time the bill arrives, your abuser may be able to track you down by the phone numbers you have called for help.
You can call 9-1-1 for free on most public phones, so know where the closest one is in case of emergency. Some domestic violence shelters offer free cell phones to battered women. Call your local hotline to find out more.
You may consider getting a "disposable cell phone" that uses pre-pay minutes on it for emergency purposes. These do not have phone numbers that show up on any billing and are much more difficult to track. Keep it safe and do not let your abuser know you have an emergency cell phone. You may consider keeping it in your "survivial kit" mentioned above or in a hidden safe location for easy access.
Safe-Link Wireless: Free Cell Phone For Income-Eligible Customers
PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - PHONE SAFETY TIPS
When seeking help for domestic violence, call from a public pay phone or another phone outside the house, using one of the following payment methods:
- A prepaid phone card.
- A friendís telephone charge card.
- A collect call.
SEEKING HELP ONLINE
If you seek help online, you are safest if you use a computer outside of your home. You can use a computer at a domestic violence shelter or agency, at work, at a friend's house, at a library, or at a community center.
It is almost impossible to clear a computer of all evidence of the websites that you have visited, unless you know a lot about Internet browsers and about your own computer. Also be careful when sending e-mail, as your abuser may know how to access your account. See the Womenslaw.org article on Internet Security for instructions for covering your online tracks and e-mail history, but be wary of leaving traces that your abuser might find.
You may want to consider getting a restraining order or protective order against your abusive partner. However, remember that the police can enforce a restraining order only if someone violates it, and then only if someone reports the violation. This means that you must be endangered in some way for the police to step in!
If you are the victim of stalking or abuse, you need to carefully research how restraining orders are enforced in your neighborhood. Find out if the abuser will just be given a citation or if they will actually be taken to jail. If the police simply talk to the violator or give a citation, your abuser may reason that the police will do nothing and feel empowered to pursue you further. Or your abuser may become angry and retaliate.
DO NOT FEEL FALSELY SECURE WITH A RESTRAINING ORDER!
You are not necessarily safe if you have a restraining order or protection order. It is still only a piece of paper and not a shield of protection that will keep you safe if your abuser seriously wants to pursue you and hurt you. The stalker or abuser may ignore it, and the police may do nothing to enforce it. To learn about restraining orders in your area, call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or contact your state's Domestic Violence Coalition.
OBTAINING A RESTRAINING ORDER
If you are being abused by your spouse, ex-spouse, household or former household member, blood relative, the parent of your child, or a person with whom you have had a substantive dating relationship, you have the right to seek legal protection, often referred to as a "restraining order" or a "peace bond".
During regular business hours, you can go to your local court and apply for a restraining order. There is no fee and you do not need an attorney. On nights, weekends, and holidays when the courts are closed, you can obtain an order through the police, who will contact a judge for an immediate restraining order.
Violation of this order is a crime. If your abuser violates the order, call 9-1-1 immediately.
In addition to obtaining a restraining order, you may also file a criminal complaint with the assistance of the police department and District Attorney's Office.
See MoonDragon's D.V. Guide for more information.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTERS
A domestic violence shelter or womenís shelter is a building or set of apartments where victims of domestic violence can go to seek refuge from their abusers. The location of the shelter is kept confidential in order to keep your abuser from finding you.
The domestic violence shelter will provide for all your basic living needs, including food and child care. Shelters generally have room for both mothers and their children. The length of time you can stay at the shelter is limited, but most shelters also help victims find permanent homes, jobs, and other things they need to start a new life.
LOCATE A WOMAN'S SHELTER
Click Here for a state-by-state directory of domestic violence shelters.
PROTECTING YOUR PRIVACY AT A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER
If you go to a domestic violence shelter or women's refuge, you do not have to give identifying information about yourself, even if asked. While shelters take many measures to protect the women they house, giving a false name may help keep your abuser from finding you (particularly if you live in a small town).
STAYING SAFE AFTER YOU LEAVE
Keeping yourself safe from your abuser is just as important after you have left. To do so, you may need to relocate so your former partner cannot find you. If you have children, they may need to switch schools.
To keep your new location a secret:
- Get an unlisted phone number or a pre-pay cell phone that cannot be traced.
- Use a post office box rather than your home address.
- Apply to your state's address confidentiality program, a service that confidentially forwards your mail to your home.
- Cancel your old bank accounts and credit cards, especially if you shared them with your abuser. If you use these old accounts, you can be traced. When you open new accounts, be sure to use a different bank.
If you are remaining in the same area, change up your routine (frequently). Take a new route to work, avoid places where your abuser might think to locate you, change any appointments he knows about, and find new places to shop and run errands. You should also keep a cell phone on you at all times and be ready to call 9-1-1 if you spot your former abuser. You can also learn self-defense to protect yourself. Stay aware of your environment and who is in it. Abusers will often resort to stalking and following their victims to discover where you are, who you are seeing, and what you are doing. Always have an escape plan ready to set in action at any given moment, just in case you need to get away and feel safer again.
SELF-DEFENSE IS NOT A CRIME - SOME FACTS ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Facts compiled by the National Clearinghouse in Defense of Battered Women
Each day in the U.S., between 5 and 11 women are killed by a male intimate partner, between 1800 and 4000 per year.
In the U.S. women are more likely to be killed by their male intimate partners than all other homicide categories combined.
90 percent of women murdered are killed by men, men who are most often a family member, spouse or ex-partner.
There are thousands of women in prisons nationwide convicted of killing an abusive partner.
Studies show that the vast majority of women who kill their abusers do so as a last resort in defense of their own lives and/or the lives of their children, and that many have stayed with abusive partners because they have been beaten trying to escape or because they rightly feared an attempt at escape would cause their partner to retaliate with violence.
Battered women who defend themselves are being convicted or are accepting pleas at a rate of 75 to 83 percent nationwide.
In about 85 percent of spouse assault and homicide cases, police have been called at least once before. In about 50 percent of those cases, police have responded five times to family violence incidents prior to the homicide.
Women in the U.S. are much less likely to commit homicide than are men. During the years 1980 to 1984, women perpetrated only 14 percent of all homicides committed by those 15 years or older, a homicide rate of 2.7. Men committed 86 percent of all these homicides, a homicide rate of 18.1.
Between 2.1 and 8 million women are abused by their partners annually in the U.S. At least every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten by her husband or boyfriend.
The Surgeon General has reported for at least 10 years that battering is the single largest cause of injury to U.S. women.
In national surveys, approximately 25 percent of U.S. couples report at least one incident of physical aggression between them during the course of their relationship.
Over 50 percent of all women will experience physical violence in intimate relationships. For about 25 percent of them, the battering will be regular and ongoing.
Women of all class levels, educational backgrounds, and racial, ethnic, and religious groups are battered.
Almost 90 percent of the hostage taking in the U.S. is domestic violence. Most hostages are the wives or female partners of hostage takers, although children are frequently taken hostage.
Abusive husbands and lovers harass 74 percent of employed battered women at work either in person or over the telephone, causing 56 percent to be late for work at least 5 times per month, 28 percent to leave early at least 5 days per month, 54 percent to miss at least 3 full days of work per month and 20 percent to lose their jobs.
47 percent of the husbands who beat their wives do so three or more times per year.
Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or neglected at a rate 1500 percent higher than the national average.
Children are present in 41-44 percent of homes where police intervene in domestic violence.
At least 53 percent of all battering husbands also batter their children.
75 of women surveyed in some studies report that their children had been physically and/or sexually abused by their batterers.
33 percent of teenage girls report physical violence from their date.
21 out of 30 of college students report at least one occurrence of physical assault with a dating partner.
Between 25 to 45 percent of all battered women are abused during pregnancy.
In many U.S. cities, more than 50 percent of women and children seeking shelter are turned away due to lack of space.
An estimated 10 percent of incidents of domestic violence are reported.
The injuries that battered women receive are at least as serious as injuries suffered in 90 percent of violent felony crimes, yet under state laws, they are almost always classified as misdemeanors.
In some surveys, 90 percent of battered women who reported assault to the police actually did sign complaints, but fewer than 1 percent of the cases were ever prosecuted.
Obtained from: PrisonActivist.org: Self-Defense Is Not A Crime
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & SELF-DEFENSE LINKS
NoNonsenzeSelfDefense.com: Stalking & Domestic Violence Essortment.com: Women's Safety - Domestic Violence & Self Defense Women's Self Defense Instruction Online: Domestic Violence victims General Strike - Self Defense Facts & Links
DEALING WITH DOMESTIC ABUSE TRAUMA
The scars of domestic violence and abuse run deep. The trauma of what you and your children been through can stay with you long after you have escaped the abusive situation. Counseling, therapy, and support groups for domestic abuse survivors can help you process what you have been through and learn how to build new and healthy relationships.
EMOTIONAL & PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA
If you have gone through a traumatic experience, you may be struggling with upsetting emotions, frightening memories, or a sense of constant danger that you just cannot kick. Or you may feel numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people.
When bad things happen, it can take awhile to get over the pain and feel safe again. But treatment and support from family and friends can speed your recovery from emotional and psychological trauma. Whether the traumatic event happened years ago or yesterday, you can heal and move on.
For more information about emotional and psychological trauma and for help in coping with the aftermath of domestic violence see the following links:
HelpGuide.org: Emotional & Psychological Trauma HelpGuide.org: Domestic Violence Abuse Types - Signs, Causes, & Effects HelpGuide.org: Elder Abuse - Physical, Emotional, Sexual & Neglect HelpGuide.org: Child Abuse & Neglect - Warning Signs & Reporting It
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESOURCES
BATTERED WOMEN'S PROGRAMS / HOTLINES
HELP FOR ABUSED WOMEN & THEIR CHILDREN (H.A.W.C.)(Salem - North Shore Region, Massachusetts)
24 Hour Hotline: 1-978-744-6841
CASA MYRNA VAZQUEZ, INC.PO Box 180019
Boston, Massachusetts 02118 Phone: 617-521-0100
SafeLink Statewide Hotline: 1-877-785-2020 / TTY: 1-877-521-2601 (Massachusetts Domestic Violence Hotline)
SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINESNational Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) (TTY 1-800-787-3224)
National Dating Abuse Hotline: 1-866-331-9474 (TTY 1-866-331-8453)
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Hablemos Hotline: 1-800-223-5001
BOSTON AREA RAPE CRISIS CENTER (BARCC)Cambridge Office
99 Bishop Allen Drive
Cambridge, MA 02139
989 Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, MA 02215
BARCC Hotline: 1-800-841-8371
THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE24/7 Confidential Support
Toll Free Phone: (800) 799-SAFE (7233)
NATIONAL COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCEOne Broadway, Suite B210
Denver, CO 80203
Phone: (303) 839-1852
A crisis intervention and referral phone line for domestic violence. The service also has an email address and access for the deaf. Hotline staff members can speak in English or Spanish and have access to translators for many other languages.
(Texas Council on Family Violence)
STATE COALITION LIST
Lists the phone numbers for the state offices of the NCADV. These offices can help you find local support or a shelter from domestic violence, as well as free or low-cost legal services.
(National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
SUPPORT COMMITTEE FOR BATTERED WOMEN: (Waltham) - English, Spanish: 1-800-899-4000 RESPOND: (Somerville) - English, French, Spanish, Haitian Creole: 1-617-623-5900 INDEPENDENCE HOUSE: (Hyannis) - English: 1-800-439-6507 NEW HOPE: (Attleboro / Taunton) - English, Spanish: 1-800-323-4673 YWCA NEW BEGINNINGS: (Westfield) - English: 1-800-479-6245 ASIAN SHELTER & ADVOCACY PROJECT: 1-617-338-2355 NETWORK FOR BATTERED LESBIANS: English, Spanish: 1-617-236-7233
Suffolk County District Attorney's Office, Domestic Violence Unit: 1-617-725-8617 Boston Police Domestic Violence Unit: 1-617-343-4350 Greater Boston Legal Services: 1-617-357-5757 Victim Recovery Program - Fenway Community Health Center: 1-617-267-0900 Elder Abuse Hotline: 1-800-922-2275 Disabled Abuse Hotline: 1-800-426-9009 Child at Risk Hotline: 1-800-792-5200 Samaritans Hotline: 1-617-247-0220 Mayor's Youth Line: 9 am - 11 pm Sunday - Saturday, 1-617-635-2240 Violence Recovery Program: Fenway Community Health Center, 1-800-632-8188 Parental Stress Line: 1-800-632-8188
INTERNET RESOURCES - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTERS & SUPPORT
Safe Horizon: Tour a Domestic Violence Shelter
Find out what you can expect at a typical women's refuge or shelter and hear personal experiences of what life there is like.
Phenomenal Women Of The Web Against Domestic Violence Webring
An online support group for women who are victims of domestic abuse. The site points to other sites that discuss domestic violence.
SAFETY PLANNING FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Women's Law Initiative: Safety Planning
Guidelines for how to safely leave an abusive relationship, what to do if you have filed a restraining order, and what to do once you have left the relationship.
Women's Law Initiative: Internet Security
Gives detailed instructions on how to clear your computer's Internet browser and email account from showing evidence of your seeking help for domestic abuse.
NCADV: Internet Safety
More advice on how to cover your Internet tracks from your abuser.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV): Protecting Your Identity
Tips for keeping your identity and location a secret after leaving an abusive relationship.
LEGAL HELP & ADVICE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & ABUSE
Women's Law Initiative
State-by-state legal information and resources for victims of domestic violence.
En Español: Women's Law Initiative: Bienvenido (Iniciativ a de Derecho de la Mujer).
American Bar Association: Consumer's Guide to Legal Help on the Internet
Guide to finding free legal aid for victims and perpetrators of domestic violence.
Americal Bar Association: Statutory Summary Charts
Provides charts summarizing the statutes from all 50 states regarding domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, and dating violence.
National Center For Victims of Crime: Victim Law
Search a comprehensive, user-friendly database of victims' rights laws across the U.S. Includes summaries of statutes, tribal laws, constitutional amendments, and court rules.
STALKING & CYBERSTALKING
National Center For Victims Of Crime: Stalking Resource Center - Help For Victims
A storehouse of information and resources for victims and potential victims of stalking or cyberstalking.
National Center For Victims of Crime: The Use of Technology To Stalk
Stalking Victims Sanctuary: Stalking 101 - Survival Resources for stalking victims, including how to stay safe, avoid common mistakes, and find help.
THE TOP TEN MOST COMMON MISTAKES MADE BY STALKING VICTIMS
1. Not listening to your intuition. You need to keep your internal radar tuned to pick up signals that something might be wrong.
2. Letting someone down easy, instead of saying a definitive NO if you are not interested in a relationship. Trying to be nice can lead a potentially obsessive suitor to hear what he or she wants instead of the message that you are not interested.
3. Ignoring the early warning signs that annoying attention might escalate into dangerous harassment and pursuit.
4. Responding to a stalker in any way, shape, or form. That means not acceding to your stalkers demands even once he or she has introduced threats.
5. Trying to reason or bargain with a stalker. Stalking is like a long rape.
6. Seeking a restraining or protective order. All too often, this one act propels stalkers to act violently.
7. Expecting police to solve your problem and make it go away. Even the LAPDís Threat Management Unit says that victims have to take 100 percent responsibility for their dealing with the situation.
8. Taking inadequate privacy and safety precautions, on and off-line.
9. Neglecting to enlist the support of family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, therapists and other victims. It may be tough to admit that you are being stalked, but it is not your fault. Support from family and others can be a first line of defense against a stalker.
10. Ignoring their emotional needs during and after a stalking. Getting support and keeping safe.
From: StalkingVictims.com: Stalking 101 Survival
SELF-DEFENSE FOR WOMEN
Impact Safety Programs: Personal & Organization Violence PreventionA self-defense training program for people, especially women, that focuses on quick response and retreat from danger.
Women On Guard Self Defense Products
A Free Guide To Womens Self Defense & Self Protection
Survival Cache: Female Self Defense: 5 Weapons You Need To Survive
9 MYTHS ABOUT SELF PROTECTION & SELF DEFENSE TECHNIQUES
(Womens Health Magazine, September 11, 2013, By Tim Larkin)
To better protect yourself from dangerous people, you need to forget these 9 dangerous myths. Your biggest problem as a woman is not that you may be smaller or weaker than a typical sociopathic criminal. Your biggest obstacle is that you assume a set of potentially life-threatening beliefs about what to do in dangerous situations.
Myth #1 - You should reason with your attacker.
You have probably never pulled out a knife and demanded someone's watch. That is a good thing, of course, but it illustrates a vital point: Someone who would do such a thing does not think like you. Deep down, you probably believe there is a way to resolve a problem without anyone getting hurt. Attackers are not playing by the same societal rules you are, so you cannot react as if they are. All you can ever really do is level the playing field.
Myth #2 - If you are attacked, scream for help.
You do not have time to wait for a hero. During a truly violent encounter, you have about five seconds to act, and the safest self-defense technique to take in a violent encounter is to cause an injury. Mistakes usually come from some hesitation: pausing to see how things are going, lacking the will to really kick a man, or jumping around in a fighting stance. These are opportunities for him to recover and hurt you. The reverse is also true - if your attacker hesitates or makes a mistake, it gives you a critical moment that you must use to survive.
Myth #3 - You need to cause pain.
In order to be 100 percent effective, we have to discard the notion of pain as a useful tool in violence. You do not want to "hurt" him; you need to injure him. Anything you do in a violent, life-threatening situation that does not cause an injury is worthless to you.
Myth #4 - Being fit can save your life.
No matter how fit or strong you are, the best way to hone your self-protection skills is to focus on targeting key points of the body. After that, improving your fitness level can increase the force you deliver to the targets.
Myth #5 - You need technical self-defense skills.
Technique without injury is only a cool trick, and injury, regardless of how it occurred (with technique or by accident), will always be more effective. It is not important how the injury happens, only that it happens. His ribs do not know if they were broken by a boot, a stick, or a curb; they just know they are broken. All you need is force and a target.
Myth #6 - Women who survive are fearless.
The first effect in any violent situation is emotion, and the most common one is fear. When a man steps in front of you holding a knife, your adrenaline starts pumping and your heart beats faster. These are reactions that cannot be avoided - nor should they be. It is the fight-or-flight survival instinct that allows you to focus on beating your enemy or getting the hell out of there. Many people fear they will freeze up or act irrationally. When you know how to respond, you will still feel a certain amount of fear that you could be hurt, or that you are about to cause harm to another human being, but that will be tempered with confidence.
Myth #7 - Focus on blocking his attacks.
Many self-protection classes teach you to react to an attacker's actions. This defensive thinking can make you hesitate ("What is he going to do to me?"), lose focus (waiting to get hurt makes most people freeze), and ultimately be one step behind the attacker. In a threatening situation, do not worry about what he is doing; make him worry about what you are doing.
Myth #8 - Try to back away from your attacker.
In life-threatening conflict, if you are not injuring someone, you are getting injured. Backing up or attempting to counter his "technique" with another technique (as is typically taught in self-defense classes) only gets you in more trouble: Your body is a lot better at going forward than it is at going backward; for every two feet you move backward, he can move forward three feet.
Myth #9 - Hit as often and as quickly as possible.
Punching and kicking are akin to slapping an attacker around. If you are in danger, you need to throw all your weight into a single target, or "strike." Imagine you are facing a giant predator and you have a big sack full of rocks. Throw a single rock and "ouch!" is the only reaction you are likely to get. But swing the entire sack at him, hitting him in the head, and he will be out cold. That is the difference between punching and striking.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & ABUSE INFORMATION
National Advisory Council on Violence Against Women: Toolkit to End Violence Against Women
In-depth guide for communities, policy leaders, and other individuals on how to end violence against women.
Violence Against Women Online Resources
Office of Violence Against Women & Minnesota Center Against Violence & Abuse website for professionals and practitioners who help victims and perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse.
Jane Doe Inc.
The Massachusetts Coalition Against Sexual Assault & Domestic Violence
BATTERER TREATMENT PROGRAMS
Common Purpose 1-617-628-2451
Information by Casa Myrna Vasquez, Inc. With Support from The Boston Healthy Start Initiative
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LINKS
MoonDragon's Womens Health Information: Domestic Violence
MoonDragon's D.V. Info: A Guide To Abuse Prevention, Protection, Assistance & Community
MoonDragon's D.V. Info: Immigration Rights & Resources
MoonDragon's Parenting: Internet Safety Guidelines - Protecting Your Children From Sexual Predators
Surviving the Bastard: A guide for abused women - Excellent information for women and their children who need to get away from their abusers.
Welcome To Silent Killer - Information about various forms of abuse and domestic violence issues, self defense, and survival.
Little Girl Lost - By a child abuse survivor. - Excellent information for women and their children who need to get away from their abusers.
A.B.U.S.E.D. Inc. - Family and friends of victims of domestic violence. Also organize seminars on abuse prevention and intervention.
Advocate Software - Created to assist Domestic and/or Family Violence service providers, programs, and coalitions to collect and report victim demographics and incident statistics.
Artemis - A Site for Survivors of Domestic Violence - Site for male and female survivors of domestic violence. Includes a message board.
Diane's Domestic Violence Page - Includes support resources for everyone; memories; help for batterers; and more.
Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence - Resource for Georgia residents about legislative actions, etc.
Domestic Violence - Metro Nashville Police Department
Domestic Violence Handbook - Resources for Michigan residents.
Domestic Violence Resources at Questa - Online Library - Essays, comments, statistics, contacts for assistance and links on domestic violence.
Domestic Violence Personalized Safety Plan
Domestic Violence Shelter Tour - Learn about life in a shelter by taking a virtual tour. Also includes facts, contacts, and other information.
dvGuide.com - Resource for victims of domestic violence and stalking, their families and their service providers.
Report6: Incarcerated Women Inmates - Information about incarcerated women, many were victims of abuse.
Family Violence Awareness Page - Devoted to helping eliminate all family violence (including child abuse) and to providing information about services.
CDC National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
Female Domestic Violence Against Men - Myths and information about violence against men.
Hiding In The Closet No More! - Domestic violence resources for men and women.
MINCAVA: Higher Education Center Against Violence & Abuse - Resources, references, teaching aids, conferences, and hypertext links examining issues of violence and abuse.
Men and Domestic Violence Index
Model Domestic Violence Policy for Counties - Developed by the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence. Provides guidelines for employers, criminal justice, health and human services, and education systems.
New Standard Domestic Violence Main Menu - More than 60 articles, published over 11 days in this daily newspaper explore domestic violence - its causes, its victims, and some solutions. Includes links to resources on the Net.
No Safe Place: Violence Against Women - Companion site to the PBS documentary film which tells the stories of women who have been battered, assaulted, and raped, as well as the stories of men who commit these crimes.
Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence - Contains list of state resources.
Safety Net - Domestic violence resources including bibliographies, a handbook on domestic violence, lists of important phone numbers for help and for information, and statistics.
Safety Zone: Information on Woman Abuse - Resources, information for professionals, the alcohol connection, and links.
Stop Abuse For Everyone [SAFE] - Information and resources for men in abusive relationships and marriages.
Violence at Home - Year-long series on domestic violence, from the Sacramento Bee.
Walking DarkLands - Personal experience of domestic abuse issues including journal pages from family, poetry, and stories with links.
Wings: A Place For Healing from Abuse - The story of a survivor of domestic violence and other resources.
ELDER ABUSE & RELATED SERVICES
National Center on Elder Abuse
Seniorsí Guide to Preventing Home Improvement Fraud
Prevent Medicare Fraud: How To Avoid Abuse and Medical Billing Fraud
CDC: Elder Abuse Prevention Guide
Legal Services for the Elderly: Where and When to Start
DOMESTIC ABUSE LINKS
Abuse Consultants Online Domestic Abuse Resources: Police Department, Wakefield, MA Domestic Abuse Section: Burlington Police/Lahey, MA Massachusetts Law About Domestic Violence Domestic Violence, Massachusetts: A Pathfinder by Mass. Trial Court Law Libraries Angels In Blue: Domestic Abuse Laws-Massachusetts Governor's Commission on Domestic Violence - Domestic Abuse Mass Department of Correction Technology Services Brookline, MA Police Programs Links & Resources - Massachusetts Citizens for Children (MCC) Domestic Violence Resource Page - Danvers, MA Police Dept. Foxborough, MA Police Dept: Domestic Abuse Information & Resources AbsoluteWoman.net" Massachusetts, Domestic Abuse Information ElderAbuseCenter.org Reporting Domestic Abuse, NorthEastern University, Massachusetts Massachusetts Domestic Abuse Law Prevent Child Abuse Massachusetts Norton, MA Police Dept: Domestic Violence Domestic Violence: Elder Abuse Jane Doe, Inc. - Voices For Change National Coalition For Domestic Abuse Awareness Family Law Information: Neighborhood Legal Services United Way - Protecting Women & Children From Abuse Women's Law Initiative Domestic Abuse Groups Dispute Status of Claims by Men (/gasp!) Kimberly Chapman - Domestic Abuse - US Help Divorce Source: Massachusetts Domestic Violence Shelters Domestic Abuse and Alcohol Therapist Finder - Mental Health Internet Resources, Boston Peace At Home: Domestic Violence Resources Battered Women's Shelters, Massachusetts For Health Care Providers: Tips For Detecting & Treating D.V. Victims Response To Domestic Violence, Quincy, MA Tuft's Women's Center: Violence Help Hotline Stalkers - How To Spot 'Em & Drop 'Em
MOONDRAGON'S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LINKS
MoonDragon's Womens Health Information: Domestic Violence
MoonDragon's Domestic Violence Guide
MoonDragon's Domestic Violence Immigration Assistance & Information
MoonDragon's Parenting: Internet Safety Guidelines - Protecting Your Children From Sexual Predators
AROMATHERAPY: ESSENTIAL OILS DESCRIPTIONS & USES
Allspice Leaf Oil Angelica Oil Anise Oil Baobab Oil Basil Oil Bay Laurel Oil Bay Oil Benzoin Oil Bergamot Oil Black Pepper Oil Chamomile (German) Oil Cajuput Oil Calamus Oil Camphor (White) Oil Caraway Oil Cardamom Oil Carrot Seed Oil Catnip Oil Cedarwood Oil Chamomile Oil Cinnamon Oil Citronella Oil Clary-Sage Oil Clove Oil Coriander Oil Cypress Oil Dill Oil Eucalyptus Oil Fennel Oil Fir Needle Oil Frankincense Oil Geranium Oil German Chamomile Oil Ginger Oil Grapefruit Oil Helichrysum Oil Hyssop Oil Iris-Root Oil Jasmine Oil Juniper Oil Labdanum Oil Lavender Oil Lemon-Balm Oil Lemongrass Oil Lemon Oil Lime Oil Longleaf-Pine Oil Mandarin Oil Marjoram Oil Mimosa Oil Myrrh Oil Myrtle Oil Neroli Oil Niaouli Oil Nutmeg Oil Orange Oil Oregano Oil Palmarosa Oil Patchouli Oil Peppermint Oil Peru-Balsam Oil Petitgrain Oil Pine-Long LeafOil Pine-Needle Oil Pine-Swiss Oil Rosemary Oil Rose Oil Rosewood Oil Sage Oil Sandalwood Oil Savory Oil Spearmint Oil Spikenard Oil Swiss-Pine Oil Tangerine Oil Tea-Tree Oil Thyme Oil Vanilla Oil Verbena Oil Vetiver Oil Violet Oil White-Camphor Oil Yarrow Oil Ylang-Ylang Oil Aromatherapy
Healing Baths For Colds
Using Essential Oils
AROMATHERAPY: HERBAL & CARRIER OILS DESCRIPTIONS & USES
Almond, Sweet Oil Apricot Kernel Oil Argan Oil Arnica Oil Avocado Oil Baobab Oil Black Cumin Oil Black Currant Oil Black Seed Oil Borage Seed Oil Calendula Oil Camelina Oil Castor Oil Coconut Oil Comfrey Oil Evening Primrose Oil Flaxseed Oil Grapeseed Oil Hazelnut Oil Hemp Seed Oil Jojoba Oil Kukui Nut Oil Macadamia Nut Oil Meadowfoam Seed Oil Mullein Oil Neem Oil Olive Oil Palm Oil Plantain Oil Plum Kernel Oil Poke Root Oil Pomegranate Seed Oil Pumpkin Seed Oil Rosehip Seed Oil Safflower Oil Sea Buckthorn Oil Sesame Seed Oil Shea Nut Oil Soybean Oil St. Johns Wort Oil Sunflower Oil Tamanu Oil Vitamin E Oil Wheat Germ Oil
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The source of all creation;
May the Goddess, The Lady of the Moon;
And the God, Horned Hunter of the Sun;
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So mote it be.
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