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BASIC INFORMATION
WRITING AN ADVANCE DIRECTIVE
An advance directive is a legal document that helps ensure that your health care wishes will be respected if you become unable to speak or otherwise communicate for yourself. An advance directive refers to both a living will and a medical power of attorney or appointment of a health care agent or health care proxy. While filling out this paperwork, you should also make out a regular will and keep all of them together in one place.
- A Living Will / Health Care Proxy / Medical Power of Attorney
- Planning Your Own Funeral & Memorial Service
- Last Will & Testament
A LIVING WILL
A living will or a health care directive is a document that states your wishes about end-of-life medical treatment, including life support, if you cannot speak for yourself. Appointing a health care proxy is appointing someone who can speak for you if you should become incapacitated and unable to make important health care decisions for yourself. A durable power of attorney helps whomever you appoint to take care of your business and personal affairs while you are unable to do so.
It is very important that you appoint someone you trust, such as a life partner or a grown child, or other relative or friend that will carry out your wishes as you want them to do. You will need to verbally sit down and go over your plans and the paperwork with whomever you appoint so they know what you want and to be sure they are willing to follow your instructions before appointing them to this important position.
Be sure to research this process thoroughly for your state before writing out your directives and notarizing your documents. If you are unsure of how to fill out the forms, consult with an attorney. You should have a minimum of 3 copies of your completed forms. One will go to your health care provider for your medical file. One will go to whomever you appoint as your proxy / power of attorney, and one copy you will keep for yourself and store in an easily found, secure place for future use, if needed.
- All 50 states and the District of Columbia have laws about advance directives. However, state laws vary in their requirements.
- Some states have a standard living will form to which you can add your own instructions.
- Have your living will witnessed as your state requires, usually by 2 people who have nothing to gain or lose by doing so. Your state may require that your living will be notarized (witnessed by a notary public).
- In most cases, a living will and durable power of attorney for health care are completed at the same time. If you have specific plans about your death arrangements, it is wise to make sure these plans are included and documented. This is especially important if you want to appoint a significant partner or other non-family person to make sure your plans are carried out instead of relying upon family members to make these decisions. If they are in a last will and testament, it may not be read until after the funeral. See more about making your own death, funeral and/or memorial arrangements below.
- To obtain copies of the forms for your state and instructions for completing the forms, contact www.partnershipforcaring.org.
- To obtain copies of the forms for your state and instructions for completing the forms, contact US Living Will Registry.
OTHER LINKS
HowCast: How To Make A Living Will
PLANNING YOUR FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE
MAKING YOUR FUNERAL WISHES KNOWN
Written funeral plans will spare your family and friends worry and confusion. This is especially important if you have specific plans (such as wanting to be cremated as opposed to being buried) or have a specific religious preference (such as if you are Pagan and want a Pagan funeral service possibly handled by members of your "Pagan" family as compared to your other genetic family, which may not be Pagan, and may want to perform a Christian service).
If you have ever settled a loved one's affairs after death, you know it can be difficult to plan a funeral or memorial service. Family and friends want to honor the person who has died, but they may not agree on what's best. The grief and stress of loss can make decisions even more challenging. Taking the time now to document your wishes for a funeral or other memorial service can both ensure that you get the kind of services you want and provide tremendous relief for your loved ones.
TYPES OF MEMORIAL SERVICES
Here is some basic information about the most common types of memorial services. Some people want all of these options; others want none. The choice is entirely yours.
VIEWING
This is an opportunity for family and friends to view or sit with your body. A viewing is commonly held at a funeral home or mortuary, but you are free to choose another place - for example, your home, a community hall, or a church.
WAKE
Traditionally, a wake is a gathering to celebrate and remember the life of the person who has died. Often characterized by both sadness and gaiety, this gathering can be an important part of the grieving process, allowing family and friends the opportunity to come together and comfort each other. A wake is often held at a family home or a mortuary that offers wake services.
FUNERAL
A funeral is a traditional memorial ceremony, usually held in a funeral home or a church. The body is often present, in either an open or closed casket. Beyond that, there are no absolutes or requirements for planning a funeral. If the deceased person was religious, the funeral often includes a brief mass, blessing, or prayer service. Veterans may choose a military funeral, and members of many organizations (such as fraternal or 12-step groups) can choose a service that reflects the values of the organization.
PLAN YOUR OWN FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE
Planning your own funeral or memorial service can be used as an opportunity to design the service as a final gift to your family and friends. It gives you a chance to have an input inot the final event of your life and gives you a chance to make the decisions that will better reflect your wishes, your personality and your life.
WHEN YOU DIE, WHO IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR SEND-OFF?
By Patti Wigington, About.com Guide to Paganism
In Wilmington, DE, a grieving husband has been forced by a court to give up the right to make decisions regarding his late wife's memorial services and burial. Instead, a judge has decreed that the dead wife's parents get the final say, and opted to give her a Christian burial.
The widower, Timothy Boyer, petitioned a court to put a halt to the funeral, saying he wanted Jeanea Irvin to be buried according to the Islamic faith. Why did the judge say no, and give the decision-making power to Irvin's parents instead, even though Irvin had converted to Islam years ago? Because Boyer and Irvin were not legally married, and there was no legal paperwork on file indicating what Irvin's wishes would be in the event of her death.
This should be a wake-up call for Pagans or anyone else who's had a handfasting or commitment ceremony without a legal, state-sanctioned marriage license being part of the equation. If you want to have a Pagan or Wiccan funeral service, if you want your significant other/partner/lover to make the decisions regarding the disposition of your remains, make out a living will. This not only can cover your funeral arrangements, but more importantly addresses how decisions are handled if you're still alive but unable to make those decisions for yourself (does the name Terri Schiavo ring a bell here?). And get your paperwork notarized to make sure it's a legal document, not just a note scribbled on a cocktail napkin.
Although requirements vary from state to state, getting your wishes down on paper is the first step to making sure you get what you want after you're dead.
CONSIDERATIONS WITH PLANNING YOUR OWN FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE
The following questions will serve as a starting point for creating your own funeral and memorial service. Write down the answers to these questions and share them with loved ones, so they know what you want as part of your funeral or memorial rites.
- Do you want to be buried, cremated or donate your body to science?
- Do you want to have a visitation, a time when people can visit your body?
- What clothes would you want to be buried in?
- What jewelry would you wear?
- What type of service do you want to have - funeral or memorial service?
- Who would you want to preside over your service?
- Who would you want to speak at your service?
- Who would you want to be your pallbearers (if having a funeral)?
- Where would your service be take place?
- What readings or scriptures would you want to have at your service?
- What kind of music, flowers and decorations would you like to have at the service?
- What photographs or other mementoes would you want displayed at your service?
- What kind of food would you want served at your service?
- Where is your ideal final resting place a cemetery, mausoleum, sitting in an urn or having your ashes scattered in a favorite place?
- How would you want to be remembered?
REASONS TO CREATE YOUR OWN FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE
1. Alleviates Distress - Creating your own funeral in advance helps to relieve your loved ones from the additional stress and distress in having to make plans and final arrangements. Planning ahead can also protect your family from making difficult, swift and costly decisions.
2. Creating a Great Ceremony - Planning your own Funeral or Memorial Service allows you to have an input into the ceremony and make it one that truely reflects your personality.
3. Self-Reflection - Creating your Funeral or memorial serves as a good opportunity for reflecting upon your life, the legacy you want to leave behind and become more aware of your own mortality.
4. Deciding on Your Final Disposition - Pre-planning your funeral allows you to choose the disposition of your body and your final resting place.
BASIC INSTRUCTIONS: HOW TO PLAN A PAGAN FUNERAL
Things You will need:
- Officiant, like a priest or priestess familiar with pagan tradition.
- Venue for the funeral.
- Body or remains of the deceased.
- Decorations and music appropriate for the funeral.
Step 1: Find out what pagan tradition the person followed in life, if you do not already know it. Just as a Catholic funeral rite is not suitable for a lifelong Baptist, do not assume that someone who worshiped Egyptian deities would have wanted a neopagan memorial service.
Step 2: See if there is a person who would be willing to officiate at the funeral. Traditional choices for a pagan funeral are the person's family members or friends who are pagans (or sympathetic to their beliefs). He or she may have been a member of a coven, and there may be a priest or priestess willing to perform the funeral. In a pinch, a Unitarian Universalist minister may be available to perform the rites.
Step 3: Locate an appropriate venue for the ceremony. Most pagan funerals are conducted outside. The deceased may have had a special place that felt very spiritual to him or her, like a forest or a seashore, and you may want to hold the funeral at that location.
Step 4: Determine how the person would have wanted his or her body to be taken care of after death. Many pagan traditions use cremation as the preferred way of disposing of a body.
Step 5: Call the corners and watchtowers at the beginning of the ceremony. An essential part of any ritual is calling them to assist. The first corner is the east, symbolized by air, the second is the south, symbolized by fire, the third is the west, symbolized by water and the fourth is the north, symbolized by earth. The watchtowers provide protection for the participants in the ritual.
Step 6: Arrange to have music, colors and other decorations appropriate for the ceremony. This does not have to mimic Judeo-Christian funeral traditions. Their tradition may have specific flowers adorning an altar, candles of a certain color, incense and music from a different culture setting the mood of reverence and respect for the deceased.
Step 7: Pay some kind of tribute to the spiritual being that the person honored in life. He or she may have honored a specific god or goddess, Mother Earth, the life force or another celestial being that symbolized deeply held beliefs.
Tips & Warnings
Treat the entire ceremony as reverently as you would one in your own tradition. Even if you think that the entire thing is a bunch of hooey, remember that these beliefs were as important to the deceased as your own are to you. Paying the final bit of respect to this person's life is appropriate.
If holding the ceremony in a public place, find out if you need to have a permit or authorization to do so. You do not need to tell the authorities that it is for a pagan rite if you choose not to. Simply telling them that it is for a memorial service is perfectly acceptable.
Purple is commonly used for a pagan funeral to symbolize Spirit and the soul.
Resources: Contact the Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans.
MORE RESOURCES FOR PLANNING A FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE
How To Plan a Funeral Service
From your Death, Dying and Bereavement Guide
Planning for a Funeral
From your Death, Dying and Bereavement Guide
End of Life Choices
It's Your Funeral e-Booklet A 12 page e-booklet that can be printed out, filled in and left for your family to know what you would like done for you funeral.
Funeral Planning - How To Plan Funerals & Memorials
Everything you need to know about funerals, funeral homes and grief support.
Funeral Ideas: Alternative Funeral Services
Information to help you plan your funeral service and alternatives to standard funerals and memorials.
WitchVox: A Wiccan Priestess Plans a Traditional Funeral
Adult Pagan Essay Series
Green Burials - Return Naturally
Information about Green Burials, also known as natural burial, to ensure the burial site remains as natural as possible.
Death From A Pagan Perspective - Viewing Death As Part of A Cycle
Helpful hints for planning your death as a rite of passage rather than an ending, to be celebrated and not dispised or feared.
WRITING YOUR LAST WILL & TESTAMENT
LEGAL AGE
In most states, a minor becomes an adult at the age of 18. Once he or she reaches that legal age, certain rights and privileges are granted. That holds true for most states when it comes to making a Will. Forty-seven states currently require the Will maker to be at least 18 years of age. South Dakota is the only state that requires the Will maker to be older than 18. Louisiana sets the minimum age at 16, while in Georgia, you can make a Will as early as 14 years of age.
A number of states make provisions for those younger than 18 years of age to write a Will if they are married, economically independent, or a member of the armed forces.
MENTAL COMPETENCE
"Being of sound mind and body" is a phrase made famous by movies and television versions of Will making. And it is true, mental competence is an essential factor in making sure your Will is legally binding. Being mentally competent means that you know you are executing a Will, and are familiar with your property as well as your family and descendants. Witnesses are required to sign the Will and one of their functions is to validate your mental well-being.
If is it anticipated that dissatisfied heirs might contest the Will based on mental incompetency, extra steps should be taken at the time of the signing of the Will, such as a health care provider's assessment.
DISTRIBUTION OF PROPERTY
The main purpose of a Will is to make provisions for the distribution of your property after your death. In general, you can designate anyone you wish to be your beneficiaries and you can distribute your assets in any fashion, but there are a few exceptions. Many states have provisions that provide the surviving spouse with the ability to elect to take a defined portion of the estate regardless of the provisions in the Will.
As we have seen many times in literature and drama, unusual or excessive provisions can be attached to an inheritance. For example, someone includes a Will provision that the first child to bear a child gets the largest share of the estate. While this makes for good storylines in fiction, most probate courts in the real world frown on such provisions. A dissatisfied beneficiary may decide to contest the Will in court.
LEAVING PROPERTY TO SPOUSES
Most of the time, spouses are the major beneficiary in a Will. Even so, there are laws in all states that protect the surviving spouse from being disinherited. Some allow the spouse to take an elective share of the estate, usually one-half or one-third, regardless of the provisions in the Will. One method to disinherit a spouse may be through the use of a premarital agreement, but the courts are apt to closely scrutinize such agreements to make sure that the agreement was signed in good faith and with full disclosure of assets.
It is possible to put limitations on the property that you leave to a spouse through the establishment of trusts for the benefit of your spouse, that come into existence after you die. You should consider the following factors in deciding what kind of trust is best for your circumstances:
- The possibility that your spouse's needs may increase in the future.
- the manner of living to which your spouse is accustomed.
- The ability of your spouse to provide for his or her own needs.
- The ability of your spouse to manage the trust assets.
- The possibility that your spouse may remarry and the affect the marriage may have on your children or other beneficiaries.
PROVIDING FOR MINOR CHILDREN
Many times a spouse is given the entire estate with the expectation that he or she will provide for minor children. That expectation is not always sound however, especially when the surviving spouse is not the parent of the children, or if the spouse is not available to care for the children at the time of your death.
One of the most common practices under these circumstances is the establishment in the Will of a minor children's trust. The trust provides financial support for the children until they become adults, at which time the remaining assets of the trust are distributed to them. It is important to carefully select the trustee, who will manage the trust and make the distributions to your children. The trustee will work closely with the person you have named as guardian to raise your children. In many cases, the trustee and the guardian are the same person.
LEAVING PROPERTY TO ADULT CHILDREN
It is common for adult children to receive a significant portion of their parent's property. On the other hand, in every state except Louisiana, it is legally permissible to disinherit a child, regardless of his or her needs or age. Louisiana law provides that no child under the age of 23 at the time of the parent's death can be disinherited.
LEAVING PROPERTY TO GRANDCHILDREN
Grandparents often leave portions of their estates to their grandchildren to help pay for special needs or educational expenses. Grandparents may also leave property to grandchildren because their parents already have sufficient assets.
WRITTEN REQUIREMENTS
Most Wills are documented with the written word. These are usually formatted with typewriters or word processors. If properly signed and witnessed according to the requirements of the state where signed, these are legally valid in all states. However, there are other types of Wills.
Some states recognize Holographic Wills. These are handwritten, unwitnessed Wills, signed only by the Will maker. A few states still recognize Oral Wills, under certain conditions. Others offer a standard Will form, where you just fill in the blanks.
A relatively new type of Will is the Video Will, where the Will maker usually reads his or her Will out loud before a video camera. Videotaping a Will can help avoid a Will contest by showing that the Will maker was competent and following proper signing formalities. Keep in mind that many states will not recognize a video Wills as a substitute for a written Will; the Will maker should do both.
SIGNING REQUIREMENTS
In order to make your Will valid, you must sign the document in the presence of at least two witnesses. They, in turn, must sign it as well, in your presence and in the presence of each other. At the time of the signing, most state require that you be mentally competent and at least 18 years of age.
WITNESSES
Witnesses are very important to the validity of a Will. The signature of at least two witnesses is required in order to affirm that you were mentally competent and under no duress at the time you executed the Will. Each witness must understand that they are witnessing a the signing of a Will and they must be competent to testify in court. Witnesses should sign in the presence of each other.
In many states, a witness cannot be a beneficiary of the estate. States have adopted these laws to prevent any conflict of interest from those who may be in line for gifts, or who may benefit from your death. Some states will allow for a beneficiary to act as a witness, but in doing so, that witness may lose some or all of the property that he or she would have to inherited.
It is helpful to have a notary public present as an official state witness at the signing of the will by the person making the will and by those he or she chooses to have as his or her witnesses. The notary can then validate all the signers identities and signatures and add his or her state notary seal to the document.
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